NewBie

God's greatest gift

2010-03-31T22:16:00.005+05:30

I'm just watching over my 2 kids grow up. I'm trying to find out if they are really enjoying each other's company. Sometimes, my son is happy to have a baby around but the next moment he feels insecure that someone else is sharing his parents, grandparents and even his toys. I'm beginning to realise that raising kids isn't as easy as I thought. But I'm enjoying every moment of my life, trying to give more than 100% to both my kids. A simple smile & a warm hug gives me the tonic after a long and tiring day. Children are definitely God's greatest gift.

Joy of motherhood

2007-06-11T15:30:00.000+05:30

It has been a long break from blogging.We've been blessed with a baby boy.We've named him Niranjan. Its a new experience understanding your baby's language. He is the greatest gift that God has given me. 24 hours just seems too less. Planning to get back to blogging as soon as possible.

Creator's day

2007-03-16T13:38:00.000+05:30

Mar 8 - International women's day. Saranya gets ready for work. She had a tough day and almost forgot her promise to her friends that she'd wear a saree to office that day to mark the unity of women. At last, she remembered and hurriedly clad herself in a saree and started off to work..As she was walking to catch her bus, she remembered the first time she celebrated women's day. It was five years back, she was in college 3rd year. Saranya's Mom was busy packing her lunch. Saranya: "அம்மா .. late ஆச்சு".. some konjals Mom: "புடவைய சரியா pin பண்ணு.. சீக்கறமா சாப்பிடு" Saranya: "Late ஆச்சு மா.." Mom: "இன்னுமும் சின்ன குழந்தை .. " Her mom feeds her and appreciates how beautiful she looks in the saree. Saranya came back to her senses and got into the bus. A tear fell down her cheek as she recollected the incidents today. She is no longer with her mom. A year had passed after marriage. No one to ask her caringly whether she ate her breakfast, no one to adjust her saree, to appreciate how lovely she looks. She was realizing that she is no longer a girl to be taken care of but a to-be mother who needs to take care of her child. But may be this was too quick for her. She wasn't sure why she was missing her mom. She wasn't a playful child. Being the eldest daughter, she was more responsible than her friends. She never thought she needed to be taken care of. She felt sleepy and closed her eyes. Who else can answer her questions except God? A lot of questions were running in her mind. "Did I marry early before I was mature enough to be a wife? Am I going to be the same immature mother? Will I take care of my child the same way my mom took care of me? Why do I feel so uncared for & insecure? Why doesn't my husband reciprocate my love? If u r within me, then why r u not guiding me properly? What is the use in celebrating women's day?" She had to get down. She tried to hide her disappointments before her collegues. Raji: "Hey , Saranya ..you look like an angel in this saree" Saranya:" Thanks Raji, you too look great" Raji: "Thanks.. and wish you a happy women's day" Subha: " Hey I've been searching for both of you..." Saranya: " What's the news?" Subha: "We have a debate today, "women's day special" & I've given our names" Raji:" Don't be joking. There would be lot's of people & we've not even prepared." Saranya: "Yeah !! I'm not in a mood for any debate today" They went to their seats. Saranya was still upset. She browsed through the list of special events for that day.. there were singing competitions, dancing competitions, dramas, debates etc. She had registered for the singing competition but her voice was worst after one whole night of crying. She unregistered from the singing event. She could not concentrate on her work. She decided to take a walk. Raji came to her and Saranya told her about her problems in the house and how upset she was. Her collegues were her only consolation. She felt better talking to them. Raji was also married and had a kid. So,she was senior to Saranya and her words were more comforting. Raji: "Ok..come on. We'll go to the auditorium. It would divert you" They both went to the auditorium. The debate was about to start. The topic was "Women's day celebration is it really a celebration?". There were 2 teams.. there was a team of all guys & another of all girls..not surprisingly Team A (men) argued that women are happier while the women argued that they are not. The judge was a lady. There were some pieces of the arguements that interested Saranya..God answers her questions in some form. Men spoke that women are financially independent than before. While women regretted that their relationships have suffered due to this growth. Since all 3 women were married the topic of,"women is the enemy of women" came into picture. "What's the use of money & recognition when there's no peace in the family", Saranya smiled to herself . After heated arguments from both ends, it was the judge's turn to speak. " I feel that women definitely have all the rights to feel happy. Women in this 50 years have improved themselves in a lot of ways. There goes a saying "Ignorance is bliss" . Women of yester years were ignorant..they confined themselves within 4 walls. Today, women help to run the family better..they have definitely reduced the burden of men. They need to feel proud about this growth. Its easier to go back and say we'll spend our childhood learning to cook & draw kolams, as a wife we'll cook, watch TV, gossip with neighbors, do shopping. But today's women are doing the job of a man+ a woman and they definitely deserve to be celebrated. Having said this, there are obstacles in their path be it in the form of a mother-in-law or a husband. The real challenge lies in facing these obstacles and reaching their goal. At the same time, these young men talking here make me feel proud about this generation of guys. These men have no ego abt their wives rising above them. They've been ladders for their wives to climb on. With their support, I'm sure women of this generation are much more happier and its in their hands to keep themselves happy. They need to feel proud about themselves and turn a blind eye to the obstacles. Wish you all a very happy women's day. Feel proud to be a woman. Remember, God created Man and realized that its not a perfect creation. He created a woman to correct his imperfection. But did not want these 2 species (men/women) to be a master/slave. So he has complemented them in a beautiful way that both of them need each other to be complete. This is what we all need to understand. So, the same way women are taking on more responsibilities , men need to share the burden of women and when that ego completely disappears we'd celebrate "Creator's day" and may be that's what God really wanted - equality." There were loud applauses.Saranya & Raji looked at each other. They both felt a surge of energy within them.

Love or Fear ?

2007-02-17T15:16:00.000+05:30

Again, a post about relationships. I've noticed many times how husband and wife seem to adjust/ignore for the other's nature. There are very petty things to extremely important things that they fail to openly discuss with their partner. I've been wondering whether its due to love towards each other or fear? A simple example, my friend got married and for nearly a year she has been cooking for her husband. Potatoes don't suit the husband but it's his wife's favourite dish. So for a year, the hubby hasn't told this to his wife. After a year, suddenly he falls sick and the wife learns this from the doctor. Is this required? What has he gained in keeping numb? He could have definitely told his wife at the right time. It was just a fear of upsetting her. Habits are another night-mare. After an arranged marriage, our life-partner is surely new to us. Every habit differs. It's good to adjust but in what ways? Before marriage, he might have roamed out with his friends to cinemas. Now he might see his wife as one of his friends but then women are from Venus. So, she might enjoy shopping better than a movie. But she never speaks out. There was this funny incident. My friend was pissed off with her husband. Guess for what? He did not buy her flowers. ;-). They both had gone to the temple and the husband didn't pay attention to get her some flowers a matter of Rs 5. When the husband knew the reason, he cooly asks "Oh is this a big deal? You could have told me. Won't I spend Rs 5". He speaks practically. The wife snaps back, " I've enough money to buy it". She is right, she is not financially dependent on him but its an emotional dependency. The husband speaks back, " Then get it yourself. You're such an egoist". A small issue gets big. Now, for a minute if the husband had put himself in his wife's place. He should have thought, "I'm just into her life, she doesn't know my love unless I reassure her everyday. She has all reason to feel possessive, uncared for, insecure.She hasn't desired for an impossible thing so what does she need? She needs my attention and a reassurance that I'll always be there for her." Now his reply would be, "Ok.. I'm sorry. Next time I'll remember. I didn't mean to hurt u". Communication is the key. Now if the wife never speaks back how many ever years it takes, the husband might never know how she feels. Again, can everything be communicated? The answer is a big "NO". A girl after 20-25 years of playfulness is expected to behave maturely right after the knot is tied. And she tries her best to win everyone's heart. Life just becomes adjustment & compromise for her. So, as a wife she expects her husband to understand her. When he continues to be a playboy she feels as if she's giving more & receiving nothing in return. Occassional small things will make her feel all her adjustments are worth it. Every wife complains, "If I have to tell him everything then why the hell did he marry?" "Why should I beg him to show love?" "If he really loves me, he should know" "He doesn't care". I feel that there's nothing wrong in communicating our feelings to our partner. After all why should we adjust/tolerate if there's a way out? We can adjust out of love but shouldn't fail to express out of fear. There's no use in just reading the book "Men r from Mars..", the true value of education is in trying to follow the principles in life.

Relationships

2007-01-15T12:27:00.000+05:30

Recently, I watched a TV show where there was an argument about relationships. The crux/conclusion of the arguments was the most important/effective relationship is “Husband-Wife”. Though surprising, practically the answer is right. People can live without their parents. The death of their parents doesn’t end their life. People exist without siblings. There are even childless couples whose life continues. But the single most difficult loss to counter is the death/separation of spouse. I asked my mom, “Whom do you love more, dad or us?” The reply she gave just amazed me, “The world might say that mother’s love is the best but that’s never true. A husband however bad he might be is a woman’s first love. She might shout at him but will never stop loving him. When her children fall sick or move away after marriage/career a woman would feel the loss but to a much lesser degree than when her husband leaves her/dies." She continued, " Similarly, your dad though he doesn't show his emotions would never bear to see me suffering even from a slight fever." We call our spouse as "life partner". The only person who is there for us throughout our life. As I was thinking on this I bumped into a link , Get your relationships 'organised' Do we really give this much importance to this most important relationship? I think we take certain things for granted. Sadly, this relationship has been the least respected from time immemorial. A generation ago, this relationship remained intact becoz wives were more tolerant. But now, even love marriages are failing miserably. The attention that we give each other when we are lovers just vanishes out of sight after marriage. We spend a lot of time in earning money, planning for our future, career, children, etc but spare no time to do small things which show our spouse " Hey !! I love you the most. Come what may you are the most important person in my life". A wife definitely expects this not sure even if a husband also feels neglected after marriage. One of my collegues, did her MBA and got married to another business executive. She was so career-oriented that she would always be touring. She won laurels everywhere but within a year her husband filed for a divorce and she has no regrets now. She feels her husband is egoistic and hinders her growth. Her husband was a normal person who expects his wife to take care of his family, wake him up with a smile and wait for him when he returns home with a hot dinner, spends the weekends with him, listens to his tensions, etc but he got the opposite wife who expects him to cook dinner, comes home tired with a lot of tensions to share rather than listen. He had politely told her about his feelings. She wasn't ready to change. Another collegue, his wife is a house-wife. He was too busy with his work that he hardly spent time at home. His wife got pissed off and left him. Quite understandable.. She sits at home staring at the door waiting for her husband. When everyday he comes late and is too tired to notice even the new saree she is wearing, or appreciate the nice dinner she has cooked, she feels uncared for. She would be planning the whole week for the weekend while her husband would come home on a Friday evening saying, " I've to work this weekend. I've a deadline to meet". Still worse is couples divorcing due to problem/mis-understandings among in-laws. When its a universal truth that mother-in-law and daugther-in-law never get along well, we seldom notice how this strains the relationship b/w husband & wife. So marriages in either way don't suceed whether the wife is an office-goer or a house-wife. God definitely didn't create man to suffer but there seems to be very few happy people. So its definitely man who is spoiling his own happiness. People are starting to lose faith in this husband-wife relationship. As days pass, women's self-respect would definitely increase and adjustmentment and tolerance would reduce. It's no doubt that we are competing with the developed countries but definitely at the cost of our relationships. A generation from now we might see India completely westernised.

ஒரு புது முயற்சி

2006-12-04T13:00:00.000+05:30

நாரதர் : " நாராயணா !! நாராயணா !! " விஷ்ணு : " என்ன நாரதரே.. மிகவும் கவலையுடன் உள்ளீர்கள் ?" நாரதர் : "பிரபு !! பூலோகத்தில் 2 நாட்கள் இருந்தேன். ஒரு வயதான அம்மாவின் குரல் கேட்டது. அவள் உங்களை சபித்து கொண்டு இருந்தாள்..." விஷ்ணு : " எதற்காக நாரதரே?" நாரதர் : " பிரபு !! உங்களுக்கு தெரியாததா? அந்த அம்மையார் உயிர் வாழ ஆசை இல்லாமல் உங்களடி சேர தினமும் பிரார்தனை செய்கிறாள். தாங்கள் அவள் பிரார்தனையை நிறைவேற்றாததால் உங்களை சபித்து கொண்டு இருந்தாள். " விஷ்ணு : " என்ன கொடுமை இது? வாழ பிடிக்காத அளவிற்கு அவளுக்கு என்ன பிரச்சனை?" பிரம்மா : "பிரபு !! எல்லாம் மருமகள் பிரச்சனை தான். உங்களை சபிப்பவர்கள் மிகவும் குறைச்சல்..ஆனால் என்னை எல்லா பெண்களும் தினமும் சபிக்கின்றனர்." நாரதர் : " ஆம் பிரபு !! 'என்னை ஏன் பெண்ணாக படைத்தாய்?' என்று புலம்பாத பெண்களே இல்லை" பிரம்மா : "பிரபு !! இந்த பிரச்சனைக்கு ஒரு முடிவு சொல்லுங்கள் " முருகர் : " இப்பொழுது தான் கூட்டு குடும்பங்கள் குறைந்து விட்டதே பிறகு என்ன பிரச்சனை?" நாரதர் : " முருகா ! கூட்டு குடும்பங்கள் பல வகைகளில் உதவுகின்றன. கணவன் மனைவி பிரச்சனை, குழந்தை வளர்ப்பு என சொல்லிக்கொண்டே போகலாம்." விஷ்ணு : "இப்பொழுது என்ன செய்வது? விநாயகர் : " நாரதரே ! எல்லா பிரச்சனைகளையும் விவரியுங்கள்" நாரதர் : " 1. பெண்கள் தான் பெண்ணாக பிறந்ததையே சாபமாக நினைக்கின்றனர். வாழ்வில் அவர்களுக்கு துன்பம் மட்டும் தான் என்று புலம்புகின்றனர். 2. எந்த பெண்ணும் தனக்கு பெண் குழந்தை பிறப்பதை விரும்பவுது இல்லை. 3. மாமியார் மருமகள் பிரச்சனையால் குடும்பத்தில் அனைவர் அமைதியும் குலைகிறது." விநாயகர் : " எல்லா பெண்களும் திருமணத்திற்கு பிறகும் தன் பெற்றோரோடு இருக்கட்டும். இதுவும் கூட்டு குடும்பம்தானே. இதனால் பெண்கள் தனக்கு பெண் குழந்தை தான் பிறக்க வேண்டும் என்று விரும்புவர். மாமியார் மருமகள் பிரச்சனை மறைந்துவிடும். குடும்பத்தில் அமைதி நிலவும்." நாரதர் : " இது ஒரு புது முயற்சி தான். ஆனால் ஆண்கள் தன் பெற்றோரை பிரிந்து இருக்க வேண்டுமே?" விநாயகர் : " ஆண்களால் இதுவரை ஏதேனும் பிரச்சனை வந்ததுண்டா? குடும்ப அமைதிக்காக தினமும் கஷ்டப்படுபவர்கள் இந்த தியாகத்தையும் செய்யட்டுமே. இரு பெண்கள் ஒற்றுமையாக இருப்பது அதிசயம், தாய் மகளை தவிர !!" முருகர் : "அண்ணா !! நீங்கள் சொல்வது சரிதான்." பிரம்மா : " விநாயகா !! நீ சொல்வது போல் உலகை மாற்றி அமைக்கிறேன். அப்பொழுதாவது அமைதி நிலவுகிறதா என்று பார்க்கலாம் !!"

Unconditional Love

2006-11-20T16:45:00.000+05:30

Often, I've wondered what is the reason for so much unhappiness in this beautiful world. The reason, I find in common is "Expectation". Whenever we expect we push ourselves into a sea of unhappiness. I happened to read an excerpt from the writings of Paramahansa Yogananda here Yet another site explains Unconditional love Let me start from the very basic things, Friends: We expect them to be truthful to us and when we find that they aren't trustworthy we get disappointed. Husband & Wife : There are a lot of expectations and disappointments. God : Do we love God unconditionally? We go to temples to pray and when our wish is fulfilled we thank God and beleive in him whereas when our wishes aren't fulfilled we hate him and start losing faith. Does God love us unconditionally? If so, there should be no worries in this universe. Parents & Children : Why is mother's love called "Unconditional"? Maybe we should categorise parents as 1. Parents of a son 2. Parents of a daughter The love of parent 1 can never be said as unconditional. They educate their son not only to fend for himself but to take care of them in their old age. (Atleast in India it is so). With that expectation, though many mothers hide their disappointment and say "However you are I'll love you" internally they do have that expectation/possessiveness etc. The love of parent 2 is nearly unconditional. They shower their love and affection on their daughter knowing fully well she is going to leave them alone in their old age. They don't deny her any education. They spend lavishly for her marriage just for her well-being. What do they get in return? They are no different than parent 1 except they have a girl instead of a boy. Is there something called "Unconditional Love"? Is it possible to just do our duty and expect nothing in return? Is it possible to be like Jesus/Buddha turning a deaf ear to what others say abt us?

Science or Miracles ??

2006-11-08T15:09:00.000+05:30

Many people have tried to explore this universe and stated their findings. Astrology, Palmistry and Numerology have always fascinated me. These are sciences which have some merit but we study and interpret them wrongly and blame the art instead. 3 years Ago : Me: I've completed my Engg.. and have joined MS. Mom: We want to get her married. Uncle (Well versed in Astrology) : Hmm..lets see. Ok.your horoscope has "Sukra Thisai" from birth till your 19 years. So you are 21 now. Something remarkable should have happened at the 19th year? Me : I got college first (university first) that year and I won in many presentations etc. He was able to tell me even the dates in which I was "lucky". My mom was impressed and wanted to know more and many facts were true. Uncle : Ok..you said you have joined MS. Hmm..but your horoscope says you should be earning by now. He started calculating and said, "Ok in 2-3 months you'll get a good job and that month you'll get all you wanted." Me: Let's see. Uncle: You are going abroad. Me: Me?? I'm not interested. Uncle: Things don't happen the way you want. But you're definitely going abroad. Mom: So what abt her MS, Marriage? Uncle: That's fishy ! She also has a strong education line. May be she'll do some correspondence course. You have to wait for a year to get her married. I had 0% beleif in what he said. Firstly, I had the least idea of taking a job. But it so happened that within 2 months a lot of things happened and I joined a company. Even amidst so many obstacles I could never quit my MS. Someone helped me at each stage and now as he had predicted I started earning, got married after a year, went abroad and completed my MS. I can never dismiss these things as coincidental. But the point was even though he told my mom to wait for 1 year, my parents didn't stop consulting astrologers and they did a lot of parikarams still I got married only after a year. So, I wonder can we change destined things? Sometimes I wonder whether life, is a preplanned biochemical process or is it just a miracle. Life was once considered as an act of some supernatural power but it is proved to be a biochemical process. Some centuries ago, when the first man "invented" fire, it would have definitely seemed a miracle to him. Without science, even rain is a miracle. Every act in this universe surely has a reason and it is we who fail to explore it. Have we ever wondered how gravity works? Imagine a world(like space) with people floating around. There are numerous such things in this world which we don't understand. To me there is only one unknown or unanswerable question. Who designed all these? We all have to beleive the fact that the earth definitely has an influence on us without which we can't stand ;-). We call this attractive force as gravity and we all are the living proof of this. So, when the earth, a planet, can influence us it is equally possible that the other planets, stars, sun and other heavenly bodies influence us in our day-to-day life. So at the time of our birth, i.e, the first time we are under the direct control of earth's gravity we also get into the influence of other heavenly bodies. Is it really possible to change the influence of these planets? One of my friend's mom is a doctor and doesn't beleive in astrology. On a casual chat, My friend: Creation of life is a miracle. Her Mom: Creation of life is chemistry. My Friend: So, then how come some people go childless? They go to many doctors and finally do some parikarams and get a child. Her Mom: That's again an interesting story. Medically, there are only health incompatibility reasons for a couple to go childless atleast 75% of then undergo treatment and are successful in getting a child. If God can give a child, then there needs to be no husband-wife relationship at all. Anyone can get a child by simply circling the "Arasa maram". My friend: You're right. But then you mean to say that God doesn't help in creation of life. Her Mom: That's not the point. As I said before, its just your body chemistry. We medically try to improve the chemistry while praying to God and doing parikarams gives them beleif. Its ultimately requirement of positive vibrations and depends on the individual. Like, in a movie Rajnikanth is a coward and the heroine ties a sacred thread and tells him that it would give him courage. Suddenly, he fights the villains. Would you say its becoz of the thread? No, its his beleif on himself. Me: That's true. Science is expanding to such an extent that now hens are not required to hatch eggs. Her Mom: This is the age of test-tube babies. Research is going on to find if men can bear children. My friend: Ultimately, I think even human beings would be developed in chemistry labs. That was a good conversation. Match making is yet another area where we all take things easy. My grandfather explained to me once, the real process of match-making. Each person's characteristics are nearly determined by the influence of the stars/planets governing him/her. Let's assume, the planets Saturn and Jupiter are like 2 chemicals which when brought in contact could even explode. So, we should take utmost care before mixing them. Its the same case with 2 individuals. The stars,planets governing them decide their character and help in finding their compatibility. So, if done properly, this calculation would prove to be correct and might be one of the reasons of happy marriages in the past. There's still a lot more to explore in these areas. Can we predict things? Yes, we can. Should we know our future beforehand? Need not, what's the thrill in life then? Can we avoid/change our future by parikarams/prayers? I think we can't. I beleive, its not only Arjuna who had Krishna as his charioteer. Each one of us, see, feel and hear God (or a supernatural power) in every task we do. Seems my stars are not well ;-) this year. My mom has given me a list of parikarams to do. I just prepare myself for the worst becoz I think we have to undergo whatever comes to us and maybe learn the lesson rather than trying to escape. Its better to get down the snake at 30 or 60 in "paramapadham" (Snake and Ladder Game) than getting down at 99 !!

Tagged Again !!

2006-10-17T10:47:00.000+05:30

Has to be me had tagged me !! Here it goes 3 Smells I love: 1. Flowers 2. Smell of rain 3 Smells I hate: 1. Fish (all non-veg food) 2. Crackers 3. Cigarette 3 Jobs that I have had in my life: 1. Teacher 2. S/W Professional 3 Movies that I could watch over and over: Most old tamil movies 3 Fond memories: 1. The day I got a gold medal and my father collected it on my behalf !! I still remember his words on how proud he felt to be recognized as "Pavithra's father ". 2. The day I realized I'm married !! 3 Jobs I would love to have: 1. Teaching 2. Cooking 3. Anything that keeps me occupied !! 3 Things I like to do: 1. Be alone, just staring at nature 2. Cooking 3. Sleep w/o any disturbance 3 Of my favorite foods: 1. Ice-cream 2. Anything with Brinjal/Potato 3. Milk shakes 3 Places I would like to be right now: Any quiet/calm place !! 3 Things that make me cry: There's only one thing I suppose, love !! Let me tag 3 people Karthik , Ambi and Syam

Politeness

2006-10-09T10:14:00.000+05:30

Polite soothing words can make a lot of difference in our day-to-day life. I was watching the film "Muthu" and there was a scene where Meena would shout at vadivelu arrogantly refusing his proposal for marriage. Superstar would say a dialogue meaning, "Say the same answer with a smile..". This politeness is the key to many problems in our day-to-day life. Scene #1: Husband : Wait for sometime. I'll drop you. Wife (One response) : Thanks ..but it's getting late for me. You need not hurry. I'll manage by myself. See you in the evening. Bye. Wife (2nd Response) : I can't wait till you get ready. I'm leaving. Wife (3rd response) : If you really wanted to drop me you should have got ready in time. I'm leaving. ( Blaming him) Wife (4th response) : No need. I have legs and I'm not at your mercy. Don't act as if you're concerned abt me. Blah Blah... How does a husband feel at these responses? The wife is not feeling well and probably they had a fight too. The husband really cares for his wife and wants to make up. Though all these responses mean the same, the first response is the politest one which makes both of them happy. The other 3 vary from mild to most harshness. Scene #2: The lady is waiting for the house-maid and its getting late for her. House-maid: Sorry M'am. I'm not feeling well. Lady: What happened? Ok..go to the doctor. Take care of your health. Take this Rs 50/-. I'll do the work today. If you feel well then come to work tommorrow else take rest. Lady: Ok .. finish the work soon..it's getting late for me. No need to mop the floor today you can do it tomorrow. Lady: How come you get an excuse everytime? Monthly twice you take leave saying this reason. For the work you do the salary you get itself is too much..from next time I'll cut down on your salary then only you'll stop giving silly reasons. What a difference politeness can make !! Scene #3 Man : Sir, I need 2 days leave. I need to go to my native place for Diwali. Manager : Ok..I understand u've been working too hard and you really need a break. But the deadline is near and if you can complete it sooner you can take a week off. But right now it might be difficult for the project if you go on leave. All your efforts for these 6 months would be wasted. If you insist on going now then, you can take a day off. Manager : Ok.. if you complete your work then I think you can take 1 day leave. Else you need to push your leave plans. With the project at a critical stage, I don't think you can take 2 days off. Manager : Leave ? Come on..how can you act so irresponsibly? The project is slipping the schedule and I'm already getting calls from all quarters. How can I run this project with people like you. How can you think of celebrating Diwali at this critical time? There are 25 people in this team .. let all of us enjoy ourselves and close this project. I never expected this from you. What would the man have done? The first reply makes him realize that he is an important member and this makes him feel good. The second doesn't hurt him. While the third, demoralizes him. Even if he decides to stay back he can't work with the same interest that he had before. Everyday we come across several situations like this where we spoil our moods and others' by shouting unnecessarily and spreading tension around us. Tension takes away the smile from our face and in turn takes peace from us as well as in the environment. Anger is a deadly disease. Its well said, "He who angers you conquers you". The words spoken in anger can never be taken back. Everyone likes to hear polite words. Politeness is a great virtue to be possessed !!

Project/Life Management

2006-10-05T11:20:00.000+05:30

3 friends Raju, Ramu and Somu, graduate from a top engg. college. All of them have been peers from childhood and are equally efficient be it studies, sports or other extra-curricular activities. If Ramu comes first one term, next time its Somu's or Raju's turn. All 3 are placed in the same company and wish each other good luck before they get assigned to their respective projects. Raju joins as a team member (TM) in a big project. He is really worried becoz he's the only new member in the team. His project manger(PM) and project leader(PL) handle him with utmost care. They give him every opportunity to grow and he starts feeling comfortable. His Team Leader (TL) guides him in the right path. He never blames him for his faults rather tells him politely " Its ok to make mistakes. That's how you learn. Avoid it next time". He is extremely happy and life is cool. He performs very well and is selected as the best associate of the year. He is the youngest to acheive this..How was this possible? His superiors moulded him properly and got their work done. A perfect example of a team work. With all their experience, they knew how to handle people. They were given a glass jar and now it has become hard metal ready to face more challenges. Raju got promoted as a Team Leader and he set a perfect example. He kept moving higher and now he is the youngest entrepreneur with 30 people working under him. In an interview he said, "I owe my success to my parents because without them I'd not have been a good individual. I should thank my professors and friends who helped me gain knowledge in this world. I should thank the TL,PL and PM of my first project, who were a second mother to me. Though inherently I was talented, they brought out the talent in me and within 7 years I'm a much more confident and successful person". Ramu joined a project with a lot of aspirations. He joined as a TM and was handed over to a TL who was responsible to take care of him. The PM or PL did not assign him any work. He had his project work and in addition he did some learning on his own. Noone guided him. He tried to improve himself technically and clear certification exams but that didn't make his TL, PL or PM happy. His TL abused him in every work he did and interfered in his job while the same code had been said to be excellent by others. He got appreciated by everyone for his perfect planning at work. The TL kept comparing him against other TM's and said, "You didn't participate in the birthday celebrations, team outings..you are not taking initiative". He's fed up at this ill-treatment. He decided to quit and at the exit interview says, "I can never accept that this failure is solely becoz of me..its due to lack of team work. When we 4 are like 4 wheels of a car, if one tyre is weak still the car can make to its destination. Likewise, I'm new to this project while you 3 are already here. You should understand that it would take me a lot of time to understand things here. Things can't happen overnight. I think I'm worth more than being here but to the new member who comes in please don't treat him like how you did me. 1. Stop complaining abt the TM. Every TM has his negatives and if the PL/PM keep cribbing , the project is not going to succeed. 2. Give them a definite goal/plan and evaluate them based on that. Instead of expecting something from them and without informing them how would they know? 3. Encourage them in new initiatives. 4. Stop seeing them with hatred/fear that he may shine better than you. After all, we all work in the same team. 5. Always give constructive feedback. Don't expect the TM to be happy when you keep saying, "I don't know who gave you an engineering degree. You are fit for nothing" . Though Ramu was equally talented, his environment was completely against him and he failed at first. The glass jar has been broken, though its repaired it can never be the same again. Somu, was a bit more luckier than Ramu. He too had a worse environment with noone to guide. His PL didn't know what it means to appreciate. But atleast his TL was a good man. He helped Somu to improve technically and encouraged him though his PL and PM were always against him. His PM and PL's expectations were different. Somu told clearly in the interview that he is interested in working and has experience in Java but they thought they could retrain him in the technology of their choice. What a folly? THey did not have their requirements clear. They chose the wrong resource and now instead of utilizing and correcting their mistake they crib and make the situation worse. Somu was disappointed becoz his aspirations were shattered still he tried to train himself. But they expected him to be an expert right from day 1 and kept comparing him against experienced people. They were also unhappy. Somu could not shine much because his environment wasn't favourable. The project didn't fare well and the PL left the project. It could have been a win-win situation. Though it took time, luck has started favouring him. Now, he is the PL for a project of his choice. ******************************************************* A very good management principle and an excellent example of what a manager/leader should do. Applying the same to life, assuming life as a long-term project, we all fall into either of the 3 categories. Successful, Failures , Hoping. Let me substitute the management roles to home members. TM - Wife / Daughter-in-law TL - Husband / Son PL - Mother-in-law PM - Father-in-law As a TM, the newly wed DIL never wants to create any confusion in the house. Will someone wantedly destroy peace? But, she is the only person blamed for that. She, becoming a Raju,Ramu or Somu depends largely on the other 3 members. First case, perfect family .. full of love and understanding. Sadly, happens rarely. Second case, worst family. With everyone against her, she quits either out of the family or out of this world itself. Sadly, this happens even today. Third case, neutral family. With 75% women working, are families clear on whether they want their DIL to work or not? Customs, culture, town/city brought up, attitude,etc what not? When requirements itself is wrong is it correct to blame the DIL? If atleast husband supports his wife and stands by her, she has a reason to hope that one fine day things would be normal. Still she's waiting for the MIL to quit..she's just tolerating. Atleast at work, the PL and PM move out of the project and would never be under the TM..but in life its not so. Once things come into her hand, she starts taking revenge. It's hell of a life for everyone. This is the situation of most families today. When we know we have a disease and we also know the cure, we fail to accept it. May be God didn't want a perfect world? Is that why there are least Raju's and more Ramu's and Somu's? Will this situation change atleast in our generation?

High/Ultra sensitivity

2006-10-01T17:18:00.000+05:30

People who are short tempered are called sensitive. But for me it was different. I would compare myself to the touch-me-not plant (தொட்டாசினுங்கி). Lately, I was just getting irritated at my sensitivity. Once my collegue was working and I went behind and started talking to him..he jumped off his seat. This didn't surprise me becoz that's exactly what I do when I'm doing something. Its something like "Arjuna's concentration" and I get into another world completely involved in whatever I'm doing and a sudden interference would tense me. So, we both seemed to have a common habit and he told me its not a habit but a trait. I did not beleive him at first till he told me some symptoms and proved that those are common for a minority group of people called "HSPs" (Highly Sensitive People). He showed me a nice article Being Sensitive -- in an Insensitive World . There was another article The ultra-sensitive person which says, "This experience is doubly true with your intimate partner or family members whom is around you more than probably anyone else. The tension can get in the way of having a smooth and easy way of connecting. If you feel some anger some where and you get scared that it may get expressed on you then that will be distracting to your being in intimate contact - it will put distance between you and the other. Now this anger may be something that never needs to be expressed and gets resolved in some other way - in others words it is a part of someone's internal mixture that does not have to be focused on, but with your sensitivities it all seems very real and any history you have may get activated." Some of which I could correlate with me were: * They are born with a nervous system that may see, hear, smell or feel more than others. They may have low tolerance to noise, glaring lights, strong odors, clutter and/or chaos. They tend to have more body awareness of themselves and know instinctually when the environment they are in is not working for them. * When someone is abusing them, they experience sudden pain in stomach, raised body temperature and pulse rate. They retreat into absolute, deadly-calm stillness. They want to scream out, "Stop it! Don't you see you're killing me! Just stop it!" They experience "overwhelm" -- they feel their physical, mental and emotional systems can't tolerate any more. It almost feels like they're being pounded on. They want to run away. * They are very intuitive and can usually sense if someone isn't telling the truth or if something else is wrong. * They are highly affected by other people's moods. If someone around them is crying tears automatically start flowing from their eyes. They see others in them and always get too intimate and the line is too thin. * HSPs can feel happy in their hearts on a joyous occasion but are unable to express it. They are seen as inhibited or unsociable. They do not like social situations and prefer having deep intimate conversations with someone one on one. * They may require an entire night's sleep to be clear enough to express how they feel about an issue. * Sensitive people have a greater capacity for inner searching. * They get a sense of comfort and well being when around a lake, river, stream, the ocean, or even a fountain. * They need frequent alone time to recover from overwhelm or over-stimulation. * They get concerned and worry about many things, and have also been told "you take things too personally." * They make it a high priority to arrange their life to avoid upsetting or overwhelming situations. I tried the sensitivity quiz and my score was 23/27 . So having known I have this trait, is there a way out? Roger says,"If you don't already see your heightened sensitivities as a gift it is harder to be gentle with yourself as you explore the challenges of this kind of life. You were given this capability for a reason, NOT to cause you harm, even though at times you feel hurt and uncomfortable." This makes sense we can't change our god-given features !! Some people suggest Yoga, peaceful walk alone, music..Should try these and see if it helps else neurotherapy seems to be the only option !!

Joint families

2006-09-22T14:00:00.000+05:30

Many times I've felt that God answers my questions in some way. Sometimes there are premonitions, preparing me for some future incidents. As I was browsing, I bumped into this url . The comments section is also good. My collegue is pregnant and on a casual chat, I asked her how she is managing without the help of her mother-in-law. The conversation took an interesting shape with 2 more collegues joining. We were 4 women there and each with a different point of view. Let me give the other 3 names as Shuba, Suja and Geetha. Geetha is the one who is expecting a baby and lives with her husband. Shuba lives with her in-laws and has a 9 month old girl. Suja lives near her parents and has a 10-month old girl. I'm in a joint-family with my in-laws and not yet into motherhood. Any woman, be it a working or a house-wife finds it tough to manage alone during and after pregnancy. So, the essence of a joint family system is sharing of work. There is always a helping hand. So, the conversation grouped into 2 groups with myself and Shuba one side and Geetha and Suja on the other. The topic drifted to "Why is there dearth in joint families?" Shuba - May be, parents are in towns and villages and we are working in cities. They might have commitments in their places. Suja - Even otherwise, elders are a pain. My in-laws are too graceful. They know we both are working and we have our own ways. They realized that my ways are different than theirs and stayed back in Madurai. Geetha - True !! Further, husbands now-a-days are too helping. There can be no intimacy between husband and wife. I saw my mom suffer in a joint family. Even to speak a word to my dad, she had to wait till night. Now, I love my husband 100 times more. He does everything for me. He takes care of me. Me - Do you mean to say he would not love you if you were with your in-laws? Geetha - No. Everyone loves their spouse but expressing their love is what matters. When he helps me in doing house-hold chores, I just feel so cared for. He makes me a tea in the morning and I can't explain..it feels so good to get tat attention from your husband. I feel mothers should stop bossing around their sons after marriage. The same way I'm maturing into a wife, even he needs to mature into a husband rather than just being a son. Now, sometimes I just feel like holding his hands and leaning on his shoulders and I can do it. There are many small things which we miss in a joint family. The spark of romance is never there and life just becomes monotonous/mechanical. Suja - To add to it, it helps me to reduce my frustation. When I've left behind my parents and come just for him the very feeling that he keeps me as his first priority makes me feel secure. When we(me and in-laws) were together, he would lie down on his mother's lap..it might make them happy but it would make me feel home sick. Now I can lie down on his lap and see my mom in him. Me - Accepted that there are certain disadvantages in a joint family. But what about the advantages? Isn't it our duty to take care of them? Suja - Come on. No one is deserting them. That's why I said, my in-laws are gracious. There is always a generation gap. Both of us need to understand that. Every person has their own ideas and creativity. I should get a feeling that this is my house. For 30 years, she has been the queen of the house now its time to let go. We both are fine now. We visit them frequently and they too. Since we are alone, even my parents can come and stay in our house. After all, who would take care of my parents? That way things are even. Everyone is happy. Being away and peaceful is better than being together and constantly fighting. Shuba - That means you're lucky. Even I've felt too suppressed at times. But I'm getting used to it. Me - I think this education is reducing the tolerance levels in us. Suja - I completely disagree with you. Education has given us maturity. Do you mean to say there were no problems between mother-in-law daughter-in-law 50 years ago? This is an age-old problem. Its sad that things aren't changing. Immature daughter-in-laws shout back and immediately leave to their parent's house. It takes a process to set things right. Me - That's true. But women were too much dependent on their husbands and always had the insecurity that her husband might desert her. So, atleast she acted like tolerating though counting the days when she can really boss around. Shuba - True. I think to live in a joint family you need to be deaf to your in-laws comments. But education and job has given us self-respect and makes us ask to ourself "Why should I?". Its not a rose bed sometimes its just a thorn-bed. Geetha - We're drifting from the topic. To your question, I'm much happy now than before. I get undivided attention from my husband and that makes me happy. What more is required for a healthy pregnancy? As long as, we both are happy the house-hold works doesn't matter. I've told my mom not to come to help me. May be after I get a child, for a few months my mom or mother-in-law may come to help me. Suja - My mom was there with me to take care of the child. But, I think that is because of my laziness. Otherwise, many of my friends manage by themselves. Shuba - Now, things are getting tricky too. My in-laws are trying to force their opinions on my child. They tell bad things about my parents. My husband doesn't bother, or atleast he is afraid to question his parents. This leads to unwanted quarrels between us. I don't want them to interfere with how I bring up my child. Suja - This is bad. After all, then what are you living for? No intimacy with husband, no freedom at house, now no independence in bringing up your child too. There is a limit for submissiveness. In what way are our parents inferior to them? They have shown the same love and care that our in-laws have shown on our husbands. What right do they have to separate us from our parents? Shubha - True. They expect us to mingle into the family but prevent their son from mingling with our family. How can this symbiotic relationship work? Me - I accept ur view..but things are changing. Why can't you talk with your in-laws about this? Shuba - Certain things won't change. It's their selfish/insecure attitude. What to talk? When their son itself doesn't have the guts, how can I? Its easier to forgive your own family. They would just brand me as egoistic. I'm starting to feel that some precious years of my life are slipping away doing nothing. May be that's my fate. Me - Shuba..you have a lot of patience. You are leading a project here. I think this should not be a problem. I'm not asking you to be submissive but speak with your husband and let him know how you feel. I think he'll understand. Let not small misunderstandings spoil a healthy relationship. -----------------------------*-------------------------------- What can be done for a peaceful joint family? Wife : 1. Needs to understand that her in-laws are not her enemies. Their acts are just out of insecurity. 2. Make them understand that she's not there to separate them from their son. Rather, adapt and be their daugther. 3. Though her husband loves her, there are times when he can't support her openly. So, blaming him doesn't work. After all, he's suffering more than her. 4. Her parents are equally important and they need to have their self-respect. Husband: 1. Try to understand that his wife is equally or more important to him 2. His mom has the 100% support of his dad + equal support from him but its his wife who feels uncared for and insecure. 3. Appreciate his wife in even small adjustments she does. This gives her the energy to face life. She needs a reason to continue her journey and that is just love. She needs assurance that you understand every effort she takes. 4. Understand she has no happiness in tolerating his parents. She is losing her intimacy, independence, creativity, individuality and her parent's love. But all this is only for one reason "husband's love". She deserves more. 5. Try to balance for the intimacy which she might have otherwise got in a nuclear family. Sometime alone might work wonders. She just needs to be heard. 6. Understand that the more he cares for his parent-in-laws, the more his wife would get attached to his parents. As long as he maintains a distance she tends to keep worrying about her parent's future. Once she gets the confidence that he's there to take care of them, she starts giving back. In-laws (Wife's): 1. Try to understand that the girl has been a daughter for these many years and is new to a married life. She is just like wet mud and has to be moulded as required but too much pressure can destroy her. 2. Give away responsibilities than holding on to them. Push them into the water then they'll swim. Experience is the best teacher. There is no right way of doing things. Each person needs to have their individuality. 3. Treat her parents with due respect. Understand that as long as her parents are happy she would be happy and any problem there would increase hatred towards them. 4. Give some time alone for their son and daughter-in-law, instead of feeling jealous at her happiness. 5. Try to let go of their son rather than holding back. When both parents and wife pull a man, ultimately noone is going to be benefitted. Parents: 1. Do not interfere and question the mother-in-laws' behaviour. Even if the mistake is on the mother-in-law, she wouldn't accept it. This would add fuel to the fire. 2. Have confidence on son-in-law. When their daughter, who is 24*7 with her in-laws takes a long time to understand them, don't expect your son-in-law to be a son soon. 3. Always pacify your daughter though you know she has all reason to crib. Never add fuel. Will this strategy work? Is it asking too much from all? What else is the solution to this never-ending problem?

Law of nature

2006-09-20T15:50:00.000+05:30

At a busy Chennai Airport Shanthi is hurrying to catch her flight to a conference at Delhi. Suddenly, she stops to look at a familiar face. "Soumya" , she calls out and the girl looks up to recognize her best friend. Soumya: "Shanthi, how are you? You look so pretty". Shanthi: "What are you doing here? I thought you completed your medicine and would be a doctor by now. You are wearing a receptionist uniform." Soumya: "Shanthi, mine is a big story. Seems you are in a hurry. Are you at Chennai?" Shanthi: "Yes, I've to catch a flight to Delhi now. My head would burst if I don't hear your story. I'll take your address and phone number. I'll call you once I'm back" Shanthi left to Delhi. But she could not resist her temptation to know what would have made her friend's life so miserable. She closed her eyes and started thinking of her life 10 years back. Shanthi and Sowmya were good friends. Shanthi was the daughter of a washerman. She had just 3 clothes to wear to school. Her father was a drunkard and beat her mother. "Satan, is in our house in your form. Look at those rags, all useless girls. I have to earn to take care of them and get them married. You are not fit to give birth to a male child." Discrimination, that's all Shanthi knew. Worse was when her mom gave birth to a boy. He was the apple of everyone's eye. Her mom, used to give him good food and give only the left-overs to the other 4. Shanthi's sisters could not go to school but Shanthi managed to get a scholarship due to her intelligence. Soumya, the daughter of a land-lord. She has the finest of clothes and had very good well-behaved parents. Shanthi used to faint quite often because she used to give her share of food to her sisters. Soumya would share her lunch with Shanthi. Shanthi used to refuse saying, "My sisters are eating stale food. I can't enjoy myself when they suffer." When Shanthi could not pay her exam fees, Soumya's parents offered help. Shanthi refused. Soumya told her, "Shanthi, you are the eldest of the five. Study well. Your mom is tolerating all these beatings and harshness just because she can't support herself and you five. I'm not sure if she can live without your dad, though he is a devil. Learn from her mistakes. Education would give you self-respect and confidence to face life. Please accept this money and study well. You're not born to suffer". Shanthi could not refuse. Soumya went to a richer school while Shanthi continued. She took up a part-time job of helping in house-hold work after school and managed to pay her fees by herself. God had given her enough challenges to keep her strong. Shanthi came state first and went to thank Soumya's parents. Soumya had also done well and was about to join a medical college. She couldn't meet Soumya, as she had gone to her grandparent's place. Shanthi wanted to be a teacher and start free school for all the slum girls. Ambitious plans !! Shanthi had joined college much against the wishes of her parents. They had told her not to step back into the house if she steps into college. She had endured enough tears so far and wanted to get out of this hell. The thought of leaving her sisters behind troubled her. But, she said to herself that she'll study well, earn money and then take care of her family. She left Chennai and studied her BSc(Maths). Luck started favouring her. She could easily top the university and got offers from various companies. But, within this 3 years, there was another change in her life. She did not stay in the ladies hostel because it would be too expensive. She stayed in a small hut. She took up a part-time job and sent the money to her sisters. Next to the hut, there was a small house and a beautiful family. Raja, was Shanthi's senior doing MSc. They were good friends. Raja was amazed at the confidence level of Shanthi and of course of her beauty and humility. Raja's family liked Shanthi. They were not a rich family. Shanthi married Raja. What a life, she had got? Raja encouraged Shanthi in all her ideas. She had got the best in-laws who took care of her like their daughter. Shanthi had never experienced a mother's love or sweet words before. She had suffered for 21 years. May be, all her sins have been washed away. Raja, was working in a decent company and earning enough to support his family. He allowed Shanthi to take her own decision. Shanthi had refused all her highly paying, job offers and took up teaching in an elementary school. She slowly started a small school with few teachers which provided free education to all poor girls. Now, it has been 5 years after marriage. They have a 2 year old kid, Swetha. Shanthi is now travelling to participate in a conference at Delhi about the plight of girls and the action to be taken by the government. Shanthi was the key speaker and she had convinced the government to grant her funds for her school. She returned back triumphantly. Raja was waiting at the airport with Swetha. They celebrated this success. Shanthi was searching for her pen in her purse, when suddenly she remembered the phone number of Soumya. She called Soumya "Soumya, I'm back. Can we meet today? I've a lot of stories to share with you". They both met in a beach, and started speaking about their lives. Soumya, who had known nothing except happiness in her life, now knows nothing but sorrows. Soumya's father died of an heart-attack and all the wealth was taken away by relatives. Her mom fell sick and she had to quit college to take care of her mom. Further, she could not pay the fees. Nobody was there to help. Her qualification was just a +2 and she could not get any decent job. She was a typist for a few years. Her mom also died. She and her 2 sisters were at the mercy of their aunt. They forced her to marry a rogue because they can't take care of her. She wondered, "Why is he not loving like my dad?". Worse, he was a womaniser. Life had become miserable for her. She did not want to live anymore. But, she was pregnant. She could not kill the child. She remembered Shanthi's mom and the advice she gave to Shanthi.She divorced her husband. She joined a correspondence course and completed her BA. Initially, she struggled with her child with noone to help. But, managed to get a job as a receptionist. She has a son and, he has become the meaning of her life. Shanthi was moved, "Sowmya, how can all this happen to you? God has no mercy. " Soumya said, " Even I've felt the same. But whenever I lose confidence on life I tell these lines to myself. "எது நடந்ததோ அது நன்றாகவே நடந்தது எது நடக்கிறதோ அதுவும் நன்றாகவே நடக்கிறது எது நடக்குமோ அதுவும் நன்றாகவே நடக்கும்" (Verses from Bhagvad Gita) I suffered a lot to get a divorce. I'm studying law. There are a lot of women still suffering out of fear. Marriage is sacred but its proving to be hell for many women. I want to help them. I've started a women's welfare trust where people like me, who once decided to end their life get a rehabilitation." Shanthi said, "Soumya, I wish you all the best. Never hesitate to take my help when you require. I'm really proud of you" Sowmya thanked Shanthi and left home. Shanthi was silently watching the ocean. She was still not able to accept what she had just heard. Shanthi, a slum girl, who has never smiled in her life is now bringing a smile in many faces. Soumya, brought up with a silver spoon, is also doing the same. Life is full of joys and sorrows. You can be happy for a period of time but then nature surprises you with its own wrath. May be, that's the law of nature. May be, how much we suffer also depends on our previous sins. She understood nature's law. The ebb and fall of the waves depicted the very law of nature. When there is a rise, there is a fall and rise again and life goes on. The wave that falls goes back into the ocean to regain its strength and rises again. She visualised the waves rising higher and higher, without falling, result?? should be a tsunami? Shanthi climbed the ladder from step 1 while Soumya has fallen from the top but she has struggled to climb the ladder again. Only those who understand this law will try to climb others just stay down. People with confidence, think that failures are the stepping stones to success. Everyday is a lesson to learn but we fail to understand the laws !!

Who is God ?

2006-09-15T15:38:00.000+05:30

When I was a child, I asked my Grandma "Why do you go to temple?" She told me, "I go to temple to pray to God". I asked her then, "Who is God?" She told me, "God is the creator of the universe. He is powerful and will take care of you". My mom, didn't go to the temple. She told me, "God is omnipresent. He is everywhere not only in temples". So I asked her, "Who is God?. Why are there so many idols in our pooja room?" She told me, "God is formless and we can visualise him in any form we want". Since, I was a child, I immediately closed my eyes and tried to visualise God. The form I saw was Ganesh. From that day, I see God in that form. Ganesh was a good friend. Whenever I get upset on my parents, I used to cry to him. He'll come in my dream and console me. I never prayed to him because I had everything I needed. I had nothing to ask him. Everyday, I say a slogam to Ganesh which I thought was a "good morning". Everytime I'm happy, I'll tell him a thanks. The first step, beleiving in God and seeing him outside us. Fate had its blow and thus increased my faith in God. Sometimes I ask him "Where are you? Why do you make me cry? Why do you give me so many difficulties everyday?" But, when I sit back and think I hear him say, "I showed you the way but you refused to listen". So, Can I sit idle and relax? No, he has plans for me and I just need to follow it. May be he draws the outline but I need to give it shape And perhaps, give it colour too. How well I develop the outline is just in my hands. I stopped fighting against fate God had become an invisible power who is Always with me and takes decisions for me. After all, I don't know why I'm here But he knows the reason. I don't know the destination, but I've started to drive So, I'm leaving him to direct me Sometimes, the road is smooth sometimes its rough But, I beleive, HE knows what he is doing and where I need to go. Sometimes, I ask him "Why am I here?". Sometimes, I wonder how beautifully he has created this world How does he manage things? How does he make his decisions? He just tells me "You'll know by yourself when the time comes". I trusted God more than ever and beleived that I'm in safe hands. He is always with me and answers my doubts I'm always his pet. I did not beleive in asking him a favour HE knows what I deserve and would give it to me without asking. The next step, I realized God is with me. Now, I pray everyday and I wonder why? When I beleive HE is with me and takes care of me Why do I pray now? Few years ago, my mom was sick I said my first prayer. "Oh God !! Please take care of my mom". A year ago, before marriage, I said my next prayer, "Please give me a good family and help me adjust soon." These tell me I pray out of fear and lack of confidence. May be so far I've been independent and had no fears. May be fear is the only reason that all of us pray? Now, everyday I pray, "It seems to be a bad time for me due to Saturn's period, Let it not affect my family and let the suffering go with me. Give me the strength to face this". I have gone back to the first step where I separate myself from God !! I realized my mistake. This is the time when I should trust God more. I question him, sometimes, "Do I deserve this? Am I that bad?" But I realize now that I need to have patience and faith. When so far he has taken care of me well even now he'll do the same. I remember the story of Draupadi. When Draupadi asked Lord Krishna, why he didn't come to help her immediately It seems he told her "You didn't trust me completely, so I was waiting. The moment you trusted me completely, and surrendered to me I came to save you". Seems true. May be God has got upset on me. I've stopped trusting him and took things in my own hands. May be that's the reason for all my worries. He keeps telling me in some form to relax. But I've become too busy to listen to him, rather to myself. A good lesson for me to learn. Who is God? God is love and God is faith. I'm trying to climb back that step and one more To reach, the final step, God is within me.

Lord Rama - as a husband?

2006-09-12T12:48:00.000+05:30

Ramayana was the first story that I read. Any woman would undertake vratha's to get a husband like Rama. Even, the common blessing from elders would be " Sri Ramarare unakku purushanaa varanum" (You should get Lord Rama itself as your husband). To me, Ramayana showed the story of Sita,Hanuman and Lakshman. Even Urmila (Lakshman's wife) stood high. A few days back, an old lady told me that I look like Sita (Not sure why. May be, the saree made me look good/calm ;-) or because I gave her 10 Rs) and blessed me "Ramanum Sitaiyumaa eppovum santhoshamaa irukanum".(Always be happy like Rama and Sita). It was my wedding day, and that blessing made me happy. Still, I was wondering, Were Rama and Sita ever happy? No offense meant. But I could not accept 2 acts of Rama. 1. An Indian woman is known for her chasity. When atleast 90% of women even in this "KaliYuga" are faithful to their husbands, how can Rama doubt Sita and ask her to undergo "Agni Pariksha"? An ordinary girl, even today, attempts suicide when she is raped/love failure. Wouldn't Sita have killed herself immediately if she wasn't pure? 2. How can he banish her just because some person spoke wrong about her? Didn't he break his oath that he'll take care of her lifelong? Sita said "Whereever you are that is Ayodhya for me?" If he had felt that people won't accept her as a queen, he should have stepped down the throne and accompanied her to the forest. When she can follow him, how can he desert her? Many people gave me a lot of explanations for these 2 questions. But I think these 2 acts are never justifiable. The justification was, he did it for others. Should we live for what others say? He spoiled his life as well as Sita's and their children's because of ignorant/foolish words of someone? He fought with Ravana to get Sita back. Any ordinary person does that for his wife. May be, even God makes mistakes. Rama, was an excellent son and kept his father's promise. He was a good ruler. But was he a good husband/father? As a husband, he fought to get back his wife only to lose her again !! Sita is always the best in my heart. So, it feels good when someone says "Have patience like Sita and be an understanding wife". This might sound silly but right from my childhood days, I never wanted my husband to be like "Rama", being a "eka-pathini-virathan" and deserting his wife. I should say, Rama is not my favourite. I think its not fair to bless saying "You should get a husband like Sri Rama". He is not a special/exemplar husband !! Disclaimer: It's just my personal opinion. Devotees please don't take it personally !!

Women - Then and now !!

2006-09-07T12:36:00.000+05:30

I read an article about Should women be allowed to serve alcohol? With all these equal rights for women, where are we heading towards? I've been a town girl for 21 years. I had learnt to adopt the modernization but still clinged on to certain moral values. As soon as I completed my degree, I enrolled for an MS at MIT, Chennai. That was my experience in a city and life was so different. Girls smoking.. huh? Within a year, I got a job and was transferred to Pune. What a contrast it was to my small home town !! After my US experience, I'm thinking on a question..Do women degrade themselves in the name of modernization? How has the western world influenced us? The first time, I saw women drinking and dancing in a party in Pune, I was astonished/ashamed. So a few weeks back when the same happened in US, I took it so easily. One of my collegues(girl) said "Come on, Pavithra, its just beer...it doesn't have alcohol...try it". I politely said "No, thanks". She asked me a question, "When men drink why can't women? There is lot of discrimination in this society". Drinking itself is wrong and even men should not be doing it. I politely tried to explain to her that a woman's womb is considered equivalent to the "Garpa Graha" where God resides. She is considered sacred and should have some basic values. She'll get her due respect only when she lives upto the mark. I don't know if she really understood !! I need to definitely say about our men in US. The same guy, who used to stand 5 inches away from me when I was in Chennai has changed completely. But, an american guy here sees an Indian woman with more respect. I'm just afraid even their tendency might change in the coming years !! Personally, I feel equality should not be in Smoking, Drinking Alcohol or Flirting. Then, Women were made to beleive that their only purpose in life was to serve others. Now, women realize they have a life for themselves. Family was their first concern and they had no worldly knowledge and beleived exactly what their elders/husband told them. Now, they have their points of view. Then, they were spiritual and spent most of the time reading moral stories/epics. Now, they want to analyze the meaning of these stories and do something back instead of just telling those to their children. Then, a lot of customs were forced on them and they accepted it as their fate. Now, women, no longer, accept things which their mind refuses to accept. They protest. Then, women never wanted to have a girl child, may be they did not like the way thier life was. Now, things are changing. Then, they did not have a voice to choose their life. Now, they are mature enough to choose their way of life and handle the problems they face. Women, today, have more self-respect. But have considerably reduced tolerance levels !! Once my collegue told me "God has his value only as long as he is in the temple. Outside it's just stone". Though, that comparison sounds bad..Is it true that women would have been better cooking and caring for their family in their house than what they're doing today? With double income families, expenditures have tripled, divorces have quadrupled and happiness and peace have halved. Old age homes and child care centres have increased in number considerably. Who should be blamed? Updated : Since, I wanted to know all your points of view, I restrained from using my point of view and just gave incidents. "Change" is the only word that remains constant. Every change has both positive and negative effects. In today's world, a woman who says "house-wife" is considered as one who is not able to utilize her time effectively. Those days, cooking itself would keep women occupied. Now with the invention of electrical appliances a lot of time is saved. Mixer, Grinder, Dish washer, Vacuum cleaner, Washing machine have reduced the work of women. Husbands required their wive's attention and would literally do no work..now men have changed 100%. Cooking and managing the house alone are not a woman's job. Some women take up a profession be it a doctor, engineer, teacher, nurse, ...anything which is useful to the society. Others can also keep themselves occupied by helping lending help in some form than wasting time in watching TV serials or gossips !! This gives us a lot of self confidence and a sense of satisfaction. For some its money and necessity for others its just satisfaction. Divorces have quadrupled..I think, then men were intolerant now women are also moving towards it. This intolerance explains the reason for old age homes. And indirectly, due to the demise of the joint family system, the reason for child care centres.

Marriage - A circle of love !!

2006-09-04T11:00:00.000+05:30

Today, I stand at my balcony Feeling the cool breeze enter me Pacifying all my senses and made me to Take some leisure time to think about Our voyage in marriage so far. Its a mixed feeling.. One side I feel time has fled too fast Its like we just met a few days back On the other side, we know each other better Probably, better than what our parents know about us. Two years ago, I hated marriage Beleived its just suffering and never wanted to marry One year ago, I sat at my window With a hundred questions in my mind I felt like a tree which has been uprooted And handed over to a gardener to be planted somewhere else If the gardener forgot to water the tree even one day The tree would fade and start dying If he forgot to fence it properly The tree might be damaged by others How can the gardener handle so many responsibilities? Who should be pitied, the tree or the gardener? I wondered what is the guarantee of the tree surviving Rather, me surviving. I had a question - Why should we marry? We both started our journey Both of us did not know to drive Just a blind faith and confidence on one another And of course, on God. As we started our journey, you were driving slow and rough I lost my patience and started blaming you Little did I realize that Even you are like me and I might drive worser than you and The slower we go steadier our relationship would be You had more responsibilities being the driver Still, I didn't understand and I got upset I wondered, Why did we marry? Marriage is said to be an instituition where there's no distinction between the student and teacher. You have been A father, taking care of my needs A mother, pacifying a crying child A teacher, enlightening me A friend, discussing things A critic, correcting me A well-wisher, allowing me to grow A lover, cuddling me I wonder what have I learnt in this instituition so far? Some subjects are easy and some are tough But nothing is impossible with you by my side !! Faults are thick, when love is thin You forgive my faults instantly and so I realize how much you love me. I thought I'm the best in everything You've made me feel so small before you Ours is again a parent-child relationship Sadly, I'm the child always. Will I ever grow? God only knows. I wonder, Is ours a God-devotee relationship? I blame God when things go wrong. To whom else can I show my frustation? But, I seldom thank him for whatever good he has done. May be, I do the same with you. Sometimes I feel, God made a mistake and I'm not worthy to be your wife What am I giving you in return for all this? May be love, but more problems to solve But you never complain and I know you'll love me always I learnt that Love is not in being perfect. It is cultivating acceptance,patience and understanding. A year has been more than enough I feel satisfied and no more desires left Today, after a year I recollect your marriage oath You've been true to it so far You've been with me in both joys and sorrows I thank God for giving me a wonderful friend Still I wonder, why do I complain? But then, I realized there is no fun without arguments. Has any argument continued overnight? Have we got pissed off and stopped talking atleast for a day? What more is required for a successful marriage? Misunderstandings have made our relationship stronger !! I wanted to take an oath today But, you accept me the way I'm. So, I just tell to myself not to repeat my mistakes, Trust you more and grow up soon. Our marriage is indeed, a circle of love Flawless, without a starting or ending point !!

Eutopia Universe

2006-08-30T10:05:00.000+05:30

Tagged by KK The preluding chapters are at the following links - Chapter 1
- Chapter 2
- Chapter 3
- Chapter 4
- Chapter 5 Story in a nutshell so far - I was walking in the street at my lunch break while I saw a crowd. I saw a different kind of horror plant peeping out from a man-hole and out of curiosity entered into it. I saw clones of myself. My friend and teacher who were dead were also there. But suddenly everyone disappeared and I met Hitler who welcomed me to Eutopia Universe. He told me that they have brought me here to help them correct the world and eradicate anti-social elements in this world.

Chapter 6

"You mean, I was chosen for a very special mission. I don't beleive you. You, of all the people, would never want to do good to someone. I think you are all a terrorist group and you want to use me against my own country. " Hitler said "Oh no..all the books have portrayed me as a bad man. Is it bad to be strict and confident? I've learnt a lot in Eutopia. Please don't call me a terrorist..we need your help" "Oh my God !! my head is spinning. I'm not dead..I don't understand what you speak. Hey, Hitler, I need to go to office. I have my lover waiting for me. I need to call my boss ..where is my cell phone..The time ..oh..where is my watch?" My head was spinning with pictures of my family, the crowd, my lunch, cell phone ringing, a bus, an accident and I fainted. I woke up and saw that Hitler was not there. I wanted to get away from this weird place as early as possible. I ran through a door and turned behind. There was no door. I saw Mahatma Gandhi there. I respect him a lot and paid my respects to him. I asked him "Where am I, Gandhiji?". He replied, "Son, You have mistakenly entered a different universe. We thought of taking your help but seems you are no different from the selfish people out there who have no humanity. Gone are the days when people loved each other. There is hatred everywhere, an eye-for-eye is what today's world is about." I told, "But,Gandhiji, India is still a peaceful nation..its only the islamic terrorist groups that destroy peace in the nation". He led me into a room where there was a large theatre screen. We watched all the incidents that happened in India. I was deeply moved seeing some incidents. It showed some tapes of how terrorists are created. How true the saying is, "A child is how his mother made him". All the terrorists that we saw were either deserted by their parents immediately after birth or did not get the proper nurturing from them. Gandhiji spoke, "Son, do you see those people out there? Those young men are manufacturing bombs. These people have forgotton the sacrifices we made to bring peace. After I died, I atleast had a satisfaction that people would live happily. Now, its disheartening to see our men kill themselves. There's bloodshed everywhere. What can you do to save this world?" I thought for a while. "Gandhiji, terrorism is a disease which has spread so quickly among people. Hitler, told me that, the aim of this project is to eliminate anti-social elements". Gandhiji sadly said, "Ahimsa, is no longer considered a weapon". I told him, " But, killing one Osama Bin Laden or LTTE Prabhakaran will not solve this problem. There are not just a handful of anti-social elements to eradicate. People have to know more about Ahimsa. The education system has to change. There are no moral stories teaching basic values to our children. Noone knows the value of epics. Of what use is our education, if it doesn't help to mould our character? Even media has to play a major role. Instead of taking romantic movies there should be more meaningful movies. I think only if each individual changes the society would be free of terrorism. I know many of my friends in media & universities. We can take their help". ************* To be continued ************ Though I'd like to end the story, to keep the thread alive I'll stop here. Let me put Jeevan and Syam into trouble to continue the story !! KK sorry for the delay. Done !!

Life - a beautiful drama !!

2006-08-28T15:28:00.000+05:30

There is a library with a lot of books and God is busy searching something.. "Here it is !!" ..he exclaims and starts writing the fate of a soul which is inside a mother's womb. He writes using invisible ink. He takes his time and stops at certain places, smiles by himself and suddenly gets serious and finally sheds a tear and at last closes that book with a sense of satisfaction..and starts another play searching for characters. Down at earth, a girl child is born. She is named "Shreya" .. people think it is numerology but with the various permutations of names available why this one? Its decided by HIM. Shreya grows and she doesn't have beautiful eyes nor fair complexion. She doesn't look pretty as Preethi, her classmate and sheds her first tear. God sends her mother to hug her and tell her "You are the most beautiful child ever created on this earth". Shreya experiences her first love..she starts loving herself, accepts her features and takes the first step towards her goal. God needs variety in his drama .. he balances physical and inner beauty. Shreya is intelligent and smart. Everyone tell her she is a blessed child. She thinks she is lucky and will win always. Little does she know that God has something else in store for her. She falls sick on her final exam day and that changes her career. She wanted to be a doctor but gets an engineering seat. She cries to God asking why did he desert her? God also sheds a tear but HE had taught Shreya a lesson. HE sent her father to console her and tell her "Everything happens for a reason. As long as you have a pure heart, God will never forsake you. Pray to God to give you what you deserve, not what you desire becoz you never know what you really need". She has learnt to accept failures. Shreya goes to the counselling hall half-heartedly ..among the 250 colleges she chooses one. Why this one? God only knows ;-). Of all the 5000 students, there is one guy, Kumar, who travels to college from Shreya's place. He is too smart and good-looking. Why does he like Shreya? A part of the drama. Shreya had never known a man in her life except her father. So far she had just received love and care from her parents. For the first time in her life, she loved and cared for another person. A person who has no relation to her, whom she has met just a few weeks ago. Kumar was a shy guy who has not spoken to any girl before. The feelings these two experienced are unexplainable. They understood each other so well. They loved and cared for each other more than themselves. College days were the most memorable days in Shreya’s life. She could think of noone else except Kumar..even Kumar had an infatuation towards Shreya. Shreya's intelligence made Kumar to compete. Kumar's love has killed Shreya's ego. They were transforming into better persons each day. They made a beautiful pair. God was ready with his suspense. Things seemed so fine till the final day of college..both of them were placed in very good companies but Shreya was posted to Blore and Kumar to Kolkatta. Shreya could not digest the thought of parting from Kumar even for a day. Shreya told Kumar that she wanted to be with him life long. Kumar told her “Shreya!! I like you so much. I adore you. Any guy is lucky to have a wife like you. But, you are born with a silver spoon and your parents would get you married within a year. My family depends on me. I’m not in a position to think about marriage. My mother has sacrificed so much to bring me up and she’ll never accept an inter-caste marriage. I’ll always miss you, we’re just friends. But hope atleast in our next birth we’re made for each other.” They both went their ways but day-by-day their love was increasing. They were not just friends. Meanwhile, Shreya’s parents had arranged for her marriage. What a complicated process it is…Out of millions of guys they narrowed down to 6 and horoscope filtered 3. They finally chose 1. A miracle in itself. The guy, Shankar, was supposed to meet her the next day. Shreya was upset. All her protests to postpone her marriage talks were in vain. Shreya: “Amma, please don’t send me away. I want to be with you always. I hate marriage. Marriage is pain. I’m like a butterfly now..happy and independent. I’ll lose these after marriage. Why should I marry?” Mom: “Shreya!! It is high time we get you married. We can’t take care of you always. Aren’t we happy? You are a blessed child and you’ll get a very good life partner.” Shreya: “Amma, yours was a love marriage. How can a guy who knows nothing about me, take care of me? Love can’t be forced, it has to come naturally. Mom: “We never opposed a love marriage. If you had chosen your life partner by yourself, we would have not objected. We gave you enough time and only after you told us that you don’t love anyone we started these arrangements. Even now its not late. Tell me, if you love Kumar, we’ll speak with his parents.” Shreya could not hide her tears. How could her mother know that she loved Kumar? Who else would have understood her better? She hugged her mom and cried Shreya: “Amma, you are so sweet but Kumar is a good friend, we can’t be life partners. I’m just afraid of marriage with a stranger” Mom: “It would all be fine. Shankar’s parents spoke nicely. It seems to be a nice family. You talk with Shankar and only if you like him we’ll proceed. Even before marriage you have a lot of time to understand each other. My mom didn’t see her husband properly till I was born. They started getting intimate only after 20 years of marriage. Things are so different now. Don’t think about anything and go to sleep. Let Shankar be carried away seeing how lovely you are ” Shreya couldn’t sleep. She called Kumar. Kumar started crying but wished her all the best. She pleaded him to ask his parents but he wasn’t ready. Shreya cried to God “Oh God!! Why are you so cruel? Why can’t I have Kumar? I love him so much. I can’t forget him.” She found no meaning in her life. She wanted to die. She took sleeping pills and wrote her note to her parents. “Amma/Appa I love you so much. You have been excellent parents. Its disheartening that your daughter should be a coward like me. I can’t love anyone else other than Kumar. I don’t want to spoil the life of another person. Let there be no customs of caste/creed in this society which breaks the heart of hundreds of people. Love is a beautiful feeling and I want to die with those memories alone. Let me be your child in all further births I have. I don’t regret dying now becoz anyway you’ve decided to send me to another house. Amma, I’ll always be in this house and sleep on your lap. You can talk to me I’ll hear you and with the level of understanding you have I think even you’ll hear/see me. Kumar, don’t cry now. I could not tolerate you crying the first time today. Let it be the last. I don’t blame you for my end. The society has to change but that won’t happen unless each individual changes. You weren’t bold enough to take the first step. I’m disappointed, but I love you. With Love, Shreya” Shreya was about to fall down. God held her in his arms. She opened her eyes. God: I had many plans for you but you spoiled it. Why did you choose to end your life? Shreya: I’m disappointed. You never answered my prayers. I don’t blame you. There are people who worship you 10 times a day. So its fair that you help them than me. I just take you for granted. My mom told me when I was a child, “God is always watching over us. He’ll take care of you”. So I thought you are my friend but I was wrong. If I had undertaken the vrathams, you would have helped me. God: Ha Ha..Why do you think I’m not your friend now? I don’t forsake people. I help people alike even if they are atheists.(He showed some things to Shreya). Do you remember these? Shreya: This is my diary where I wrote my complaints to you when I was 10 years old. Flowers that I offered you, chocolates for my birthday..So you preserved all these? (Shreya was moved) Then why did you take Kumar away from me? God: Child, I gave you a lot of courage and confidence but you weren’t strong to take these challenges. Every threat/disappointment gives an opportunity to improve yourself. Everytime you stumble, I lend you a hand. Don’t I? Shreya: Yes. That’s true. Whatever happened so far in my life had been good though I didn’t realize it. But Kumar? Why did you make us meet and love each other if he was not destined for me? God: Do you believe in me? Shreya: Yes. God: You desire Kumar but you do not deserve him. You both have made a positive difference in each other's life. I know its tough for you but everything happens for a reason. Life would be dull without challenges. When I give you challenges, I know that you can handle it. I don’t give problems that you can’t solve. Sometimes, when you struggle I send you help. Shreya: Oh God!! How foolish of me. I should not have killed myself. I want to live. Why didn’t you send me help? God: You are indeed a blessed child. Why else do you think I'm here? Shreya heard voices around her. She got up from her bed. All the incidents were flashing in her mind Kumar, pills, God, note.. Shankar. She realized it was a dream. She was alive. She had neither taken any sleeping pills nor did she write a note. She was crying and had slept. She woke up as a better person. Her mom gave her a coffee. Her brother, Arun, made fun “Amma, you love her more than me..see she’s getting her bed coffee”. Mom said, “For how many days Arun, all these are only till she’s here.” She hugged Shreya and shed a tear “Get ready soon.” Shreya liked Shankar. It wasn’t tough as she thought. Shankar loved her more than Kumar. It was tough to forget but easier to replace. All the while, she trusted God and understood that Shankar was given to her by God. Within a month, she had started loving Shankar. They had a happy life. She thanked God. She had learnt an important lesson in life. There is a saying in Tamil, meaning "He who plants the tree knows to water it". We are planted here by God and we have been given our roles in this drama called "Life". Its in our hands to perform well. The better we act, more satisfied we are. He is almighty and he knows to take care of us. Life is indeed a drama and making it beautiful or sad, is just in our hands. We have nothing to lose because we brought nothing with us. We need to start listening to God's voice which we have forgotton in this busy world !!

காதல்

2006-08-24T09:18:00.000+05:30

உன்னை முதல் முறை பார்த்ததும் பிடித்ததே அன்று வியந்தேன் இது தான் காதலா என்று !! நம் கண்கள் சந்தித்ததும் வியந்தேன் இது தான் காதலா என்று !! நாம் கைகோர்த்து நடக்கையில் வியந்தேன் இது தான் காதலா என்று !! நம் மெளனங்கள் பேசியதை கண்டு வியந்தேன் இது தான் காதலா என்று !! இருவரும் மற்றவர் தவறுகளை மறக்கையில் வியந்தேன் இது தான் காதலா என்று !! உன்னை கடிந்து பேசியபின் நான் அழுகையில் வியந்தேன் இது தான் காதலா என்று !! உன் புன்னகையில் என் சோகங்களை மறக்கையில் வியந்தேன் இது தான் காதலா என்று !! என் சுமைகளை நீ சுமப்பதை கண்டு வியந்தேன் இது தான் காதலா என்று !! என் கண்ணீருக்கு தோள் கொடுக்கையில் வியந்தேன் இது தான் காதலா என்று !! ஒவ்வொரு நிமிடமும் உன் நினைவுகள் என்னை ஆட்கொள்கையில் வியந்தேன் இது தான் காதலா என்று !! உன்னை பிறிந்த போதும் நீ என்னுள் இருக்கையில் வியந்தேன் இது தான் காதலா என்று !! இன்று உன் மடியில் குழந்தையென மாறியதும் உணர்ந்தேன் இது தான் காதல் என்று !! Updated - I've tried to translate it into English. “When I liked u at first sight, I wondered Is this love? When our eyes first met, I wondered Is this love? When we held our hands and walked together, I wondered Is this love? When our silence spoke a thousand words, I wondered Is this love? When we forgave each other’s faults, I wondered Is this love? When I burst into tears after I scold you, I wondered Is this love? When I forgot all my worries in your smile, I wondered Is this love? When you shoulder my burdens, I wondered Is this love? When you lend a shoulder to my tears, I wondered Is this love? When I can’t stop thinking about you even for a minute, I wondered Is this love? When we are apart, but still you are within me, I wondered Is this love? When I became a child on your lap, I realized This is love!! “ ***************************

Weird ??

2006-08-21T13:25:00.000+05:30

Tagged by Jeevan and I’m weird enough to take this post. 1. I see God as a friend. He is no different to me. I love him and believe that HE is with me always. I fight with him when things go wrong. HE apologizes to me when I get hurt. So, I don’t respect him though I realize his immense power. 2. Appearances are deceptive. Should I say I’m a split personality ;-). My friends, collegues, relatives portray me as a confident person with immense will power for whom nothing is impossible. But only few people know the real me, delicate,fragile and sensitive to the power of infinity. This confuses me sometimes. 3. When I get into a situation where I can’t speak the truth maybe becoz it might worsen the situation or hurt someone I try to remain silent. But, I can’t remain so for a long time. So, in a conversation, I'll be the most talkative person so when I become silent my friends know that something is fishy and if provoked, they would see a “BhathraKaali”.;-) 4. I don’t know to react to appreciation. 5. I love nature. I just like sitting silently and watching the dew drops. I try to figure out the language of trees (as if there is any). It just gives me a peace making me forget all the worries. Sometimes, I get into another world and start forgetting who I am and why I’m here. An illusion like feeling. 6. Petty things give me more pleasure. Glass bangles, flowers, fluffy toys, a silent bike ride, hot coffee, rain, sleep on my mother’s lap etc. 7. I don’t like to see my face in the mirror. Lately, I’ve started wondering why? My face is not that bad ;-). 8. I hate shopping, particularly window shopping. I’ve never selected any of my dresses/jewels. Am I not interested or Am I lazy? I go shopping only when I really need to buy something. This is considered weird by all my friends ;-). I make my choice pretty quickly. I chose my wedding sarees in less than 12 minutes. The shopkeeper got confused and asked me if I'm the bride or I'm chosing so carelessly for someone else. 9. Being a vegetarian, I hate curd/buttermilk which is considered weird. I love cooking and love to see others enjoy the food I cook but I don’t enjoy eating. Could not think of anything else…but I think these give enough evidence that I’m weird ;-). Hoping to get the results of this "Most Weird Person" contest. Jeevan, done at last !!

Stars !!

2006-08-10T09:25:00.000+05:30

When I was a child, I looked upon the sky and wondered How many stars are there and Why are they all feminine? I grew up as a pretty girl An apple of everyone's eye, Fell in love with a guy and Prayed to God he should be mine. Remembered my dad telling to me "Our family honour lies with you". I erased him from my mind and Married another and started loving him. I did my duty as a daughter Noone understood me. Everything was new, I missed my parents, Still I strived hard to earn everyone's heart. I failed again and again...but Thought I'd win one day. Once my husband told me "I was happy before marriage. I should have never married". It broke my heart into pieces. I prayed to God to take away my life What's the use in life when he hates me? I sat back and thought Why is he unhappy? What did I do wrong? Isn't it me who should be unhappy? I lost my lover just for him Life has changed more than 100% for me I've to shoulder responsibilities Make no mistakes and satisfy 2 families What did he lose to feel unhappy? He lives in the same house and gets his bed-coffee He lives with his parents and chats happily with them Still I wondered how can I make him happy? I go out to shopping taking hours to shop May be he's upset with that..Why do I do that? I want to get the best in the cheapest price He doesn't understand..so I stopped shopping. Thinking he would love me more..He did not. I stopped complaining to him Keeping my burdens within myself Thinking he would love me more..He did not. Life went by..and everyday I loved him more. He never appreciated me or loved me back. But never failed to shout at me when he was upset. I still told to myself.."He surely loves me". Just a blind faith. But I did my duty as a wife Noone understood me. We had a son...cute and naughty. He made me forget all my worries. Once he held my sari and told me "Amma, please don't go..stay with me". For these sweet words, I left my job. My only purpose in life was him. Days went and we had a daughter. Life was cool but still everyday I asked to myself Does he still love me? Is he really unhappy? As time flew, my son grew up I prayed that he should get into the best college He got selected but left me and joined a hostel "I'll be back in 4 years, mom" He promised me... I missed him a lot and waited eagerly He came back with a job..and I thanked all Gods He told me he has to go far away from me I missed him a lot and waited eagerly Years flew, and it was time to get my little daughter married And she was in love with a guy I tried to explain that she can never adapt to a different custom I thought my experience should help her She did not heed..she was adamant..love is blind. We got her married to her lover. She hated me because I advised her. She thanked her Dad and told him " I love you , Dad".. I did my duty as a mother Noone understood me. I searched for the most beautiful girl for my son I searched for all the qualities in her to make a perfect wife I was successful and they were made for each other But, I forgot to search for a daughter-in-law I tried to pass on my experiences to my daughter-in-law Which seemed to her like just interference So, I was again unwelcome. Even my husband blamed me saying "generation-gap" I tried to adjust I did my duty as a mother-in-law Noone understood me. I took care of my grand-children and told them stories My son left to US with "his" family.. I did my duty till now Noone understood me. ... We were both alone again. I had become weak with all these challenges One fine day God decided to end my sufferings I went to heaven and stood before him God asked me "Are you happy now..all your life you prayed to me to end your life. Finally I've answered your prayers" I told him that I'm not happy HE asked me "Why?" I told him I can't leave my husband alone. I want to take care of him always. HE thought for a while and gave me a boon HE made me a star twinkling brightly in the sky From where I could always see my husband,children and their family. I stayed there watching over them Guiding them when they needed me One day, my husband cried "I loved you so much. I was so happy to have a wife like you. I miss you" Those were the only words that I wanted to hear from him. But I realized people don't realize the value of someone when we're with them Tears dropped from my eyes and it fell as a raindrop on my husband's lap. He looked up, as if, he heard me calling him I hid behind a cloud becoz I did not want to cry before him I wanted him to think that I was happy always and he was the best husband I waited endlessly One day he was about to die I started to vanish and fall on the earth to be beside him And follow him to his next birth - Be it a cat or a caterpillar !! Now I know why stars are feminine Every selfless woman becomes a star Noone understands or appreciates her. But God does !!

Dreams & Premonitions !!

2006-08-07T08:33:00.000+05:30

I've always wondered about dreams. Recently , I had a few good/meaningful dreams ;-) and wanted to know more. When do we dream? Why do we dream? I'm a sound sleeper..and least dreamer. My father, brother and sister used to give an account of their dreams everyday while my mom and I would have nothing to say. Little did I realize that there could be a scientific reason behind it. "REM (rapid eye movement) dreaming sleep usually occurs in ninety minute cycles throughout the night, before the onset of a period of SWS. As the night progresses, these intervals of REM increase in length until finally, the last two hours of slumber contain a high percentage of dreams. Therefore, we are more likely to catch ourselves dreaming towards the end of sleep - between the hours of five and eight in the morning for the average person." My father,sister and brother are early morning sleepers. My mom and I wake up well before 5 AM. So we don't have a chance to dream. So, first question answered. Next, what do dreams mean? I went to Dream Dictionary . Sadly, I've never had any dream resembling anything there. So I continued browsing and came here which says "Your dreams are all about *YOU* " "For God speaketh once, yea twice, yet man perceiveth it not. In a dream, in a vision of night, when deep sleep falleth upon men, in slumberings upon the bed; Then he openeth the ears of men and sealeth their instruction..." - Book of Job, 33:14-16 I've personally felt that my dreams answer my questions in some form. So this seems more apt to me. Some dreams are premonitions . As I said, I've had very few dreams and nearly all of them have come true to some extent. But, the best I could remember was an accident that I had. It was 2 years back, when I was getting ready to work..I had a dream which I couldn't remember except that someone told me to remain calm.. I took my scooty and right from that moment I knew I would face an accident. I was concentrating and driving as careful as possible but a part of my heart told me that something was wrong. As I was riding along a busy road, a guy in front of me skid and fell exactly in the middle of the road..though I had enough control, my scooty fell down becoz there's no place to turn, he was blocking the way..A big truck just stopped inches away from me..I wasn't hurt..got up and went to work. But I could never forget the incident. When my mom tells me something about omens I used to laugh at her. Unknowingly, I was concentrating at this guy in front of me and knew that he's going to fall down. Since, I was cautious, may be I was safe. The same might have happened with the truck driver, probably even he might have had an intuition and might have slowed down exactly. My mom used to say whatever has to happen will happen but if we are good, God will make our sufferings lesser. May be, that's true. This premonition works pretty well with others too. I usually drive fast and once I was rushing to the train station, when a guy came in the opposite direction zig-zagging in his bike. I instantly said to myself this guy is going to break his bones and I turned a bit hearing a noise and he had fallen down. I couldn't beleive it. I stopped for a few seconds and just went on (he had not broken his bones..just small scratches). It was not a curse, I have never seen him before and he didn't do anything to me...but something made me think he'll fall. I've started listening to myself more..probably our inner-self knows something more than us. My friends used to tell me to take a course on Psycology. It's 4 years now after this incident and I've started to improve on the aspect of mind-reading. One aspect I'm successful is that I'm able to sense a lie from someone and so flattery never works well on me. I've always wondered how yogis do this fore-seeing part. Should not be tough with some practice and probably a few books on Psycology ;-).

Prayer !!

2006-08-03T00:19:00.000+05:30

On a rainy day, I peeped out of my window Saw a child playing with her doll Innocent smile on her lips Petal soft cheeks and little fingers Legs which could not hold herself straight Tears ran down my cheeks As I watched each drop roll down, I could see me in every stage of my life. I asked God, Why did I grow? Where is my smile that took away many hearts? Why am I alone here with noone to wipe my tears? Why can't I sleep on my mother's lap forgetting all worries? Why can't I hold my father's hand and keep walking endlessly? Oh, God..please take me back to those golden days.. God, didn't answer and as time flew I fell asleep I was standing in a desert and I saw a lot of people there. There was a tall dark, ugly man with a beard who seemed to have all diseases in the world, He was sitting on a stone in deep thought. As I walked towards him, I saw a small child struggle to walk in the sand I knew why I grew up, I needed strong legs for the journey I saw a girl, crying over a thorn in her feet I knew why I grew up, I learnt to bear pain I saw another man dying of thirst I knew why I grew up, I needed to be tolerant for tougher times I saw a man, yelling at everyone I knew why I grew up, I learnt to be patient and compassionate I went to the old man, and stared at him and asked why are you so miserable? Why am I here? Is it hell? What is that "hell"? That is where sinners go after death. Ha Ha.."sinners?". Child, there is no such thing as heaven or hell. People who have spent their lives usefully have a pleasant life here others just make their lives miserable even here. There's no punishment anywhere its they who punish themselves. I understood what he said..how foolish of me? I had a wonderful life. He asked me, Do you really accept that? I asked him How do you read my mind? I know u, in and out. I asked him..So are you God? Oh ! Ha Ha.. Is that how you call me..so be it. I like that name. Child, Call me however you want.I'm in-charge of this place. Lot of people talk to me everyday and call me by different names I started liking him..he was funny Why are you looking so tired? Come on .. everyone scold me when things go wrong. No one appreciates me .. though I try my best to make them happy That's not true..everyday we all thank you for a wonderful life. Ha Ha..child, Everyday, I hear you saying "My parents miss me now so take care of them. Take care of my sister/brother and keep them happy. I've got a caring husband and in-laws. Keep us all happy. Please see that my husband loves me always inspite of all mistakes I make And please be with me always". I said..smiling to myself..well..I don't remember exactly but still.. isn't that good? Ok..that's good. But then..before ur next prayer do you know how many times you scold me? I'm really sorry..but I just feel like blaming you when things go wrong. Aren't you the one who controls everything? So, if you are with me then why do I make mistakes? It's not your fault child..everyone does it. How can you learn without making mistakes? Yes..I've learnt a lot. So why am I here? Am I dead? Can't I go home? Like, will I have re-birth? Ha Ha..not so soon. Today you asked me something. So I thought you needed special attention and got you here. We'll decide on whether you want to go back or not. So, you don't smile now ..uh? Yes, I don't. Why? I don't know..but I always have something to worry about. As soon as I solve a problem another arises and life goes on. Hmm..when you were a child why were you smiling? I think, I had no worries. So why do you worry now? Don't you beleive that I'll take care of things. So as you grew up you didn't want me. You took things in your own hands. Child, stop worrying about life and you'll automatically be cheerful. I smiled and said yes I'll.. So, next complaint is you're alone..uh? Yes, I'm. Really? Am I not with you? And he winked.. But I miss my parents. Child, understand that every person has different roles to perform..and they need to keep moving as their roles are fulfilled. It's time for your parents to move higher as they've done their duties well. So, this temporary separation prepares you mentally for a final separation. No..you can't do that to my parents. You can't be cruel. Child, Will I let you suffer? I'm not cruel to you. I know that you'll miss your parent's love so I gave you someone to love you more. Didn't I? I gave you a lap to cry upon, a hand to hold lifelong to take care of you always. And, I want you to show it back too because even he has noone except you !! Yes, I understand. The rain had stopped The streets were clean So were I. I prayed again "Oh God, thanks for an excellent life"

Movies with a difference

2006-08-01T23:05:00.000+05:30

I'm not that fond of movies. Having said that, I rarely watch a movie a secondtime. But there are a few movies which I like and are evergreen in my memory. Taking our Tamil movies, once my friend asked me "Why do you hate movies?". I told her "I don't hate movies but I don't love them either. When there is no thrill in watching a movie..why should we? "Love" is the theme of 99% movies. I'll tell u the crux of all movies 1. Love at first sight, parents oppose - lovers elope, face lot of opposition at last happy/sad ending. 2. Love after initial fighting, parents accept but fate kills one..other waits with tears. Second Hero/Heroine comes and atlast manages to marry the heroine/hero. 3. Lovers from birth, parents would be family friends..family problem so lovers are separated..finally happy/sad ending. 4. Triangle love - solli kaadhal, sollamal kaadhal, one sacrifices..blah-blah." This is/was what my opinion on movies. Worst of all, duet songs dancing around a tree would drive me crazy. At home, I'll fast fwd it or (if my sis opposes) just escape to do some other work ..in theatre I just close my eyes to hear the song (if at all song is good). The best "love" movie I liked was "Poovee Unakaaga".It was 10 years back. It was different to me..when there were 2 heroines, I expected a normal ending where Vijay would marry Sangeetha. The dialogues were too good. "Anandham.." song's wordings were hilarious. But, today that film seems so simple to me. "Alaipayuthe" was another movie I liked. Life after marriage (love) was depicted beautifully by Mani Ratnam. Songs made it better. Next was "Antha 7 naatkal" ..story line was different but the same story in "Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam" was excellent..Ajay Devgan's acting was too good. I've already seen the second part of the film 3 times (that's the only movie (part of it) I've seen 3 times). There were some movies which talked about women's freedom, remarriage etc..but all movies would cling to a fact that for a woman to remarry she should be a virgin..they would make vain attempts like killing the guy just before marriage, immediately after marriage in the altar, before nuptial night, etc. Then what's the point in picturing the hero as making a "sacrifice". "Nayagan" was a movie which I liked most..of all the aspects in the movie, there was one part I liked. Saranya was a prostitute by profession and Kamal marries her. It was the least spoken of part in the movie. But I think, a first bold step. But even after that "Kizhakku vaasal" was near yet so far. Even in "Rythm".. they tried to show that Meena was a virgin. A year back, I saw "Hum Tum", something like "real love" doesn't mind virginity. Today I saw the movie "Kuch naa kaho"..I thought it was similar to "Rythm" or a version of it..but it was different. As a film, both Abhishek and Aishwarya displayed poor acting. (Sharukh and Preity Zintha/Rani Mukherhee would have been better :-)). But, the story was good and I was surprised at the twists of the movie..I was disappointed when the film was suddenly heading towards a traditional finish.."Kanavane kan kanda theivam.." But then the dialogues at the climax were too good. Only minus was they needed a broad-minded american brought-up Abhishek to play the role. May be Indians are not yet mature !!. Right from my childhood...I've always had the opinion that English movies are "A" films. May be becoz that's how the conception is in Indian towns or, the only movies I had seen were that way. But now, I've started liking English movies. I've seen around 15 films in the past 1 month and I enjoyed each one of them. They're all so different that its no longer the same old love stories. Above all, no duet around the trees every 10-15 minutes. Of course, these movies also have romance but it seems more real than silly. Though I still love novels/books better, these movies are surely better than our tamil movies. I missed it all these years !! Konja naal-la bore adichidumaa nu theriyala :-).

Saying "No" !!

2006-07-30T23:54:00.000+05:30

Today, I realized that I can't say "no" to anyone that easily. I need to do my work called (deployment of applications) once others complete their work (coding). This is supposed to happen before 5 PM ( rather 4 PM). X always comes with unofficial requests to re-do the work. He needs to follow a process and get approval from his manager etc .. but that would be a black-mark to him and would take a lot of time. So I wasn't strict and did all I could to help him. Once, he foolishly let out an unnecessary/false comment on our team's work. I was pissed off for a moment but then just left it. I told this to my roomie. I told her that the next time I'll say "no" to him. My other team mates started to be strict with him after this incident and he had no other option but me. Surprisingly, the next time he called me, I totally forgot everything and said "OK". This is still continuing. I got a phone call at 10 PM from him today. Me : OK... let me know once its done and don't take too long. I need to wake up early tommorrow to be in office early. X : Sure. My collegue (and room mate):"Why are you so forgiving? He doesn't deserve it. You are already tired" She was right. I need not have stayed back to complete his work. After all, noone is going to know that I helped him. Even he doesn't understand that. I started thinking on why I didn't refuse and say "no". We are 3 people here in our team. I live near to workplace but one person (say Y) has to commute for an hour to reach office. They both live with their families and I'm alone :(. So, I make it a point that I look into all requests at night. Whenever he requests me to come early instead of him, I'll happily say "ok". But oneday I wasn't feeling well and left early from office to get some rest. They both didn't take care of things even that day. I got up did some work for an hour went back to sleep..30 minutes later.. another task.. I was really frustated and told to my roomie..I'm not going to do anymore work today. Immediately, Y called me " Pavithra, we have some work starting at 11 PM tonight till 2-3 AM and since I'm doing some work, can you take care of the rest." I said "Ok". My roomie got too angry on me. But I thought, Y had to play for a cricket match early next day and the other person had planned to go to a theme park with his wife, early next day. That was the only thing running in my mind..I knew there were 5 tasks and I accepted to do 3 which would take me 5 hours from 11 PM. Why didn't I tell him I'm not feeling well so I can't do this? Was it my "ego" and I didn't want him to sympathize me? In my prev project, I had to work for atleast 18 hours a day of which my work would have been not more than 6 hours. This was the only credit that I got in my appraisal letter - "She never refuses to help others in the project. Personal Efficiency -10/10". Why do I have this disease of always saying "yes" for requests that too happily with a "smile" as my clients point out? I never crib abt doing work except when even after doing so much..noone recognizes it and points a finger at me. Whenever I go to my relatives house with my parents, and if someone offers me a food or drink, I'll be the only person to accept it (inspite have having a full stomach from visiting a series of relatives the same day :-)). I don't know to refuse. Even if there are certain things that I never want to do, I do them. My mom tells me "Un kita kaariyam saathikarathu rombha easy..konjam paavamaa, soft ta sonna pothum". May be true, I get pissed off if someone orders me to do things and I'll fight till the end to protest, but the same thing told in a loving manner I'll do it at any cost. I'm not sure if its an entirely bad thing. It's good to be liked by everyone. But then I need to realize that I should not be fooled emotionally. X taught me a lesson today not to be a simpleton ..but will I be able to follow it ?? God only knows !!

Media - Will they ever stop?

2006-07-28T06:33:00.000+05:30

Whenever there is some silly matter being blown up in Sun TV, I would say to myself " Indecent people .. these Indians would never change". Policians start blaming each other in various media and it would drive me crazy. I thought americans are civilized and decent people. I think I was wrong..when it comes to media all are in the same herd. For the past 2-3 days, people in US might have noticed only one issue blown up in all channels.. Its not the war at Israel but about Christie Brinkley's husband, Peter Cook, cheating her. Ok.. I didn't know who she was till I saw the news. She is supposed to be a super-model ( 52 now :)). Detail news at CNN She is a celebrity..OK..her husband cheated her..fine. So all channels get hold of the other girl (Diana) and get her interview and start discussions on very useful subjects like "Why do men cheat?", "Why do married men cheat?" , " Do women also cheat?", " Whose mistake was it Peter's or Diana's?". There were atleast 2-3 hours of these discussions for 2-3 days. The same happened a few years ago about Bill Clinton. Does anyone in India know any of his acheivements? But everyone knows his private life. I heard that a president should satisfy certain criteria..blah-blah..but why make it a world news? Just for media's publicity !! Doesn't a person have his privacy? Who are they to publicize what he did? The questions are personal and why should they be answered in public? Who are they to judge his private life? Why do they care? Is it going to bring any use to the society? A celebrity's private life is the matter of concern for the media. Today, there was a hype about pictures of crying babies. It seems, someone wanted to take pictures of crying babies so they gave a lolly-pop to them and forcibly got it back and took the pictures..Uh? Tomorrow, there seems to be a discussion on is it correct to do that? This was the headline news along with "Is the world heading for a 3rd world war?". Why not have a separate section for fun? I don't know when the media will stop this. Do people also enjoy these kinds of news? May be, yes..so I can't blame the media alone !! They would broadcast everything and I didn't have the control to switch the channel as it was a Gym :-( !!

Parents !!

2006-07-26T20:07:00.000+05:30

Few months back, I received a mail fwd and atlast today managed to find it ... here In essence, the moral of the story "No matter what, parents will always be there and give you everything they can to make you happy. Never forget how important your parents are and try not to take them for granted...they may not be around forever". An old story ... but my all time favourite !! I'm happy to share it today because this story changed a life. One of my collegues got married recently and she wasn't happy. We had a discussion. She: I can't live with her(mother-in-law) anymore. Everyday is a nightmare. I need to decide this today. I can't tolerate this anymore.(She gave various reasons) Me: I can't tell whose mistake it is without hearing the other side. But, just because you can't tolerate your mother-in-law, what right do you have to separate your husband from his parents? She: Even I'm away from my parents. When I can think that he's the most important person to me, why can't he? If he really loves me, he'll not want me to suffer. We'll go abroad and be away from everyone. Me: Women, by nature, tend to think their husband is the most important person. I don't know why, maybe because of the way we are brought up or its in our blood. Think from your husband's perspective.(I suddenly remembered this fwded story and sent it to her). If you did not want to live in a joint family, you should have told your husband well before marriage. He might have decided over his priorities. She : I didn't know that it would be tough.(She started crying.. I knew she won't understand). Me : Ok.. let's assume u love ur husband more than he loves u. She : that's true. Me : Ok.. so I beleive you can do anything for his happiness. She : sure. Me : Is he happy being with his parents? She : Yes. Me : Would he be happy to leave them alone and live with you? She : He said he cannot. Me : So, do you think he'll be happy if you force him to forsake them? Will his parents be happy? She : No.. Me : Don't you think you're being selfish? Just for your so-called happiness, you are spoiling the happiness of a whole family. She : I'm not selfish everyone else is.. I've tried to adjust so much. Me : But then, even after you move out how can you be happy if your husband isn't? She : I think you are right.. moving out will not solve this problem. Me : Every house has problems, if its a perfect world then we'll get bored and dull. (advice panrathu evalo easy :-)) Every person has their positives and negatives. Life is always about adjustment. I can't say anything abt ur husband or mother-in-law but I think you can make a positive difference by loving back. Ok ..Will you be happy if your husband hates your parents or speaks bad about them? She: No. Me: What would give him more happiness than you accepting his parents? She : But everyone has a limit of how much they can give without expecting, I'm not Buddha or Jesus. ( Ithe dialogue naanum pesi irukken :() When everytime I try to love, I just get hurt more. Me: I know that its tough and time should heal your hurt feelings. Ok, you need not love but can't you atleast tolerate? Atleast to make your husband happy? She : I don't know. But I liked the story. And I understood that I was selfish. I need to give this some time. Me : As time goes by, you'll get used to things. How long do you think your mother-in-law can keep complaining? After all, doesn't she know that if you're not happy then her son can't be happy? Parent's are not selfish..its just the generation gap and its in our hands to understand them. She : I've always felt that she is selfish. But this story makes sense. May be I was wrong. Me : They have spent their whole life for their children..now within a year you want to take your husband abroad. How would they feel? Even if your mother-in-law seems the worst to u, she is the best for ur husband. She : Yeah.. Thanks .. I understand. *************** THE END ************** Part - 2: :-) She (today): "(nalam visarichitu)...Pavi..things have not changed much. But, my husband was happy that I changed my decision. He listens to my problems and I think he understands. Today is our wedding day and he gave me a card saying how much he loves me.. I was deeply moved. I might have not celebrated this day happily if I had been foolish that day. It's all because of you" Me : ( I was also deeply moved ;-)) Good. Wish you many more happy returns of this day. Advice yaar venum naalum pannalaam but following it, is the toughest thing.. so credit goes to you not me. Nerla pesalaam..I'll be back soon. *********** சுபம் *********************

Beside Every Successful Person !!

2006-07-24T03:51:00.000+05:30

I like the proverb "Behind every successful man, there is a woman". But I've never understood the real meaning of this. I've seen this practically with my parents. My father is a doctor and I consider him successful/contended. But I always wonder how can my mother who has just managed to complete her +2 be behind his success. The only way I could think of is, she has been a good wife. She knew the responsibilities of a doctor and never cribbed when he had to be in the hospital 24 hours. This is what my father told me "a peaceful family life is directly proportional to a peaceful/successful professional life". A good lesson to learn. But then, is it only the wife who takes the credit? A man is how his mother made him. That's true..the mother is the sculptor who shapes her children. So, behind a man's success there is definitely his mother..so if the proverb says "a woman" then I think it must be his mother !! I remember a relay match where there are 4 people running towards a goal. If the first 3 don't give a lead the 4th person can still make an effort and win. On the otherhand, even if the first 3 people do well, the victory still depends largely on the 4th person. So, a wife according to me is like the 4th person. Sometimes, she can completely change the life of a man (of course either positively or negatively ;-)).Sometimes, she can be behind his success just by not stopping him. Does this proverb apply to a man only? I just remember my childhood days. As a girl, I was lucky. My father encouraged me in everything I did. He encouraged me to learn things and be equally competitive in this world. Books, Sports, Cooking, Music,Instruments, Painting, Handicrafts, Embroidery, Oratorical competitions, Debates, Quizzes..what not. I think I've been successful so far. And I think, my father was the man behind it. As a woman, I've inherited certain qualities from my mother. So, she also has a role in my success. As a working woman, I understand the practical difficulties in managing a family (though I'm just into it :-)).In general, 50% of my collegues are female. Nearly 25% of them are in a joint family and without their mother-in-laws' support they could never imagine working late hours, managing household work, taking care of their kids and above all these what a great relief to go home tired and see that dinner is ready and you get a cup of hot coffee with a caring smile !! For the rest 75%, husbands are great!! There is 50-50 in everything..be it cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids, etc. What does it take for a woman to really balance her professional and personal life? How can a good husband be? The bible says this. 5-10 years back, marriage was a show stopper in a woman's career. When I was in college, I thought marriage was the end of my career. I think I was wrong. I enrolled in a MS degree and was 100% sure I'd never complete it becoz I got married. I struggled for a year before marriage to complete my thesis but completed it in 4 months after marriage. This would have never been possible without the support of my husband and in-laws. The interviews of many famous women never fail to mention the part played by their husbands to help them climb the laddder. It requires a lot more maturity for a husband to be egoless and allow his wife to grow and shine. I think, without her husband's support, a woman can never be successful/contended in her life. May be the same applies to a man too. Should the modern saying be "Beside every successful person, there is their spouse"?

Negative Calorie Foods

2006-07-21T23:04:00.000+05:30

I love friuts and vegetables but I never knew the difference it could make for a healthy life. When I came through this term "negative calorie foods", I was surprised. Can food contain negative calories? In short, an apple has 60 calories but it takes 100 calories to digest it. So that's the idea. Surprising, but seems to be true. Then, I tried making milkshake out of apple..no luck..even without sugar it doesn't work. So maybe that's why we're advised to eat whole fruits than drink fruit juices. Chewing consumes calories !! I was a bit worried in putting on 1 kg after a vacation. So I thought of trying this out. I just skipped my regular lunch. I had a mix of 3 fruits water-melon, apple and mango (lot of calories) for lunch for 2 days. Then I altered my dinner the next day with vegetable salad.. cabbage, carrot, cucumber, tomato. I've lost altogether 1 kg in 3 days. I never felt hungry. What it means to me .. if I can alter my normal diet to contain these salads and fruits, it means I can have my favourite ice-cream without worrying about putting on weight :-) and in turn stay healthy !!. For more information, Negative Calorie 1 Negative Calorie 2

Oh God - Did u preach these ??

2006-07-18T01:42:00.000+05:30

I read an inspiring post from Shuba . When I question my Grandma about why she follows certain customs and ask "Isn't God there in everyone? Then why should we worship him separately? Does God reside only in temples?". She just tells " இந்த காலத்து பசங்க .. ஹூம்" . But then, noone can answer certain questions :-) All mantras and prayers, according to my meagre knowledge are supposed to give inner peace. My grandma and so many others have hatred all over their heart but never fail to recite the mantras through their lips everyday. Is reciting the mantras just a routine? For me, reciting a slogam everyday lifelong without following it, isn't fascinating..I just try to understand the meaning and follow it. That gives me more peace !! I came across this statement once. - "Purity, self-restraint,non-violence, patience, love for ones fellow-beings - these are the internal marks of a Brahmin". According to me, castes and societal divisions are definitely man-made. To me God is the mother of the whole universe, the same way a mother cannot differenciate between her children..God also doesn't have any discriminations. HE loves a Brahmin to the same degree as he loves a sudran. On this concept - I always question my Grandma about "Vrathams".. will a mother want her child to suffer. Then how can God want us to undertake fasting? I accept that fasting is good for health but it was man-made and I can't accept that God told us to fast so that he'll grant our wishes. At this age, being a diabetic patient when she undertakes fasting for whatever newmoon, fullmoon etc I just feel pity on her. A lot of my friends/relatives have gone through dowry problems. So 50-100 years back, dowry was a gift given by the father to his daughter as she did not have any share in the ancestoral wealth. But now it has become a "custom". A "gift" is demanded isn't it cheaper than begging? A woman enters a man's house, and takes care of him, his parents, children, house-hold work..what not? Does dowry stop with marriage, it continues life long in the name of "customs". Who made these customs? Does God, say Shiva, whom we worship, who has given half of him to Parvati , ask us to get dowry? Or does he tell us to do all morai's like gold, clothes etc during and after marriage? The groom's parents behave as if they have acheived something in having got a son and the bride's parents are below them (There are still some people like this). How will their sins be purified even if they chant mantrams 3 times a day when they don't have the basic humanity? It is the girl's parents who are losing their daughter..how is it compensated? By harassing them more in every given chance !! They just have to accept it because its the nature of the society !! That explains the reason of female infanticides in our motherland where a woman is suppossed to be seen as a goddess. Most women, be it urban or rural, don't want a girl child!! I'm just wondering what's the use in an arranged marriage? Is it really a union of two families as opposed to only 2 souls in a love marriage? I came across this explanation at here " The groom then recites a mantra to convey the following meaning: After crossing seven steps with me thus, you should become my friend. I too have become your friend now. I will never discord this friendship and you should not also do that.Let us be together always. Let us resolve to do things in life in the same manner and tread the same path..... With these qualities, you be my follower. You the sweet tongued, come to me to get good male children and wealth." Does the vedas really say these? A very simple thing of "purity". Something which bothers me.. People eat non-veg for the whole year but in the month of "புரட்டாசி" they don't eat non-veg because its an auspicious month.. and do all kinds of poojas. The same on Fridays, Saturdays...come on..God wants us to love all and not to harm animals. If we really try to follow his principles, we should try not to kill animals. Still worse is the animal sacrifices they make in the name of God.. How is a person who tries to follow God's principles the whole year but doesn't do those poojas inferior to these people? Next is "Sabari mala"... the same case here. A person who is a drunkard, womaniser who fasts for 48 days seems to be purified of his sins..I know people who have been doing this for 10 years.. the idea is once they follow those principles during those 48 days, they should follow it life long..but that doesn't happen. They never become better persons !! Old habits die hard. I'm not against any customs..but just trying to reason out why?? Bottomline 75% of the customs were made generations ago and may not be applicable today. Even the remaining 25% are being mis-interpreted in different forms by different people. I'm just wondering "Oh God - Did u preach these ??" ....

Re-marriage

2006-07-16T01:08:00.000+05:30

40 years ago , my aunt married a scientist and they both came to London to start a happy life. Within a year, my uncle died of some unknown/uncurable disease. My father wanted my aunt to remarry, she did not.. she stayed back in London because she knew the sufferings of her mother as a widow. She took up a job as a nurse, today she is retired and seems to be happy !! 2 years back, I asked her "Aren't u feeling alone there? Why don't you come back to India?" She said.." I have my friends and I've been there for 40 years. I don't feel lonely. I keep myself occupied. I'll come back to India..but not sure when". I couldn't understand how she could be alone. I just thought she did not think of a remarriage becoz she was brought up in an Indian society a generation ago !! 2 weeks back, my friend's sister met with the same plight. Her husband died suddenly. They have a 3 month old kid. My friend wanted her sister to marry someone but her sister refuses. I think she has a point in refusing to remarry!! . May be 1 year back I'd have agreed with my friend 100% but now I could not. My friend and I had a chat. Is it emotionally posible for a man/woman to remarry? Is it not possible for her to live for her child the rest of her life? Marriage in itself is a gamble, we never know what's in store for us.. is it worth the risk? It may be easier to forget a husband whom u hate but is it possible to forget someone u love? Even if she gets a loving husband, will he be considerate towards her child? I just concluded that its not like what feminists say " Women are being discriminated..this is still a male dominated society. blah-blah". Re-marriage is an individual's choice. Though not today, if someday she meets the right person its not wrong to choose him as her companion for the rest of her life. At the same time, if she decides to lead her life with her child and the memories of her husband, that is also not wrong. I think her family should leave the decision to her and support her in whatever she decides instead of pressurizing her like "think of ur future, ur child's future, how can u live without a man's support,etc"!! P.S : Dedicated to my friend's sister. Let God give her the courage to face life.

First day in US

2006-07-13T19:10:00.000+05:30

This post is about my experience when I first landed in US !! Before I left India, there were a lot of advices from my friends, relatives, collegues. The main issues that concerned me were African Americans and Vegetarian food !! Atleast food I thought I could manage. But everyone said "Keep away from blacks", "Don't argue with them they might shoot u"..what not !! Anyway compared to the excitement of my first trip abroad all these seemed trivial. After nearly 20 hours of flight travel, I happily landed in US. I got out of my flight and joined the long line for immigration check. I wasn't too tensed.. the HR in my company had already told me what all questions might be asked. I was prepared with the answers. There were atleast 15 counters and as fate would have it there was only 1 counter with an African lady and I had to report there..Hmm...I went and handed over my papers and passport. She:"Have you filed your new papers?" Me: Uh..I'm sorry ( That's the first time someone is speaking with me in American/African English) She: Ur petition expires this month.have u filed for a new one? Me: No She:U can't be here without a new petition .. file one. I was just going crazy..how was that possible. I did not understand what she was talking.. I thought H1B was for 3 years how could it expire so soon.. I saw the paper. I landed on Apr 1 2006 and the expiry date said Apr 30 2008 but my bad luck the 2008 appeared like a 2006. I tried to explain to her that it was 2008. She didn't want to give up. She : Ok .. I prayed all Gods that I should leave from there as soon as possible. But it was not my day !!After 5 minutes She : U were supposed to be here 6 months back. Why r u late? Me: ?? ( My HR didn't tell me this question. I blabbered everything possible) My petition was applied in Pune and I had to transfer to Chennai. Then I got married so my visit got delayed.. She : After 2 minutes ... stand there next to the wall !! I decided 100% that I'm going to go back to India by the next flight and was just thinking if I have my US manager's number. She started with the next person and happily stamped the I-94 for 5 more people. I just thought my bad luck. Then a senior official came and she said something to him, he asked me to get into a room. There were 10-15 people there... I waited for nearly 30 minutes.. then this smart guy ( he was really cute) called me " Paeveetra" that's how he pronounced my name. He was obviously puzzled as why I was escalated.. He found the papers perfect. He went out had a chat with the lady and came back..he was smiling.. He asked me the same question. But now I was prepared .. I told him though I got my papers I had to reschedule my PAI dates and that's why I got delayed. He asked my company ID card and stamped my I-94 . He: Where's ur husband? Me: California I was shocked because my papers say I'm single and how did he know? Coincidentally, we tend to speak the truth when we r tensed. Again a wrong answer. I realized I did a mistake. My HR told me 100 times .."Don't ever give him a clue that u r planning to settle in US..he'll reject u immmediately". I saw his smile change..next question He: So u'll go there weekends? Me: It's too far..may be I'll go once. He:"How long would u be here?" Me: may be 3-6 months.. He:ur husband Me: he's going back in a month. He: I don't think so...hope I'll see u both here after 5 years applying for a green card.. Ok.. All the best. Enjoy your stay here. Me: Thanks a lot. I felt so relieved and collected my baggage. Ok .. first thing I searched for a phone booth to call my husband and tell him I reached safely. So I wanted change and went all around asking for change. Atlast managed to get change for a dollar. Again bad luck, I didn't know how to use the pay phone.. I dropped the quarter dollar dialled the number no answer.. Saw 3 people (supposedly Indians) there..I asked them if they could dial the number for me.. one guy offered me his mobile and I already had enough tensions that my hands were already shivering.. He dialled the number for me and not again !! My hubby was another call so it asked me to leave a voice message.... I've never left voice messages before ..didn't even know what to do so I think I told my name. I thanked the guy and told him if he gets a call from that number its my hubby and asked him to tell that I'll call him back. Then I knew that's what I should have told in the voice message :-). As I was thinking, whether I should try the pay phone again or go to my apartment and then call my hubby..suddenly an African around 300 pounds was standing behind me and asked "Are you looking for a cab?". Again a wrong answer "yes".. come on he said and took my luggage.. I could not even imagine my horror .. first time in a foreign land and alone with an African who seemed too dangerous..but then how can I say "no" now.. So got into the cab and was just praying silently.. At last saw the street.. got down and my collegues said the cab would take $50 he asked $65. .. get lost I thought ... I had already had enough. This is an experience which I'll never forget.. saw a post on african Americans and remembered this incident...but then after that I've had a pleasnt stay here :-)

தமிழ் முயற்சி

2006-07-12T23:02:00.000+05:30

I was just wondering how people post in Tamil.. Got this information from Syam . So just wanted to try it out. It was too simple and easy !! Hope I'm the only one who doesn't know this simple thing.. If someone else doesn't know how please visit his blogsite .. let me give him credit !! நன்றி ஷயாம் !! (Thanks Syam)

Alarm Clock

2006-07-12T19:36:00.000+05:30

I usually keep alarm in my mobile but now I have a mobile which doesn't have that facility. Its a motorola model .. I think it was the first model invented :-(. No complaints.. company provided that to me for production support. I'm happy that I have that atleast. Now I realize the value of Nokia :-)..Ok, I spent atleast 2 hours to find out that my mobile doesn't have the alarm facility. So, I had to use the conventional alarm clock. But even that was complicated. I put the alarm to on and set a time in it..it didn't work..luckily I got up soon. Today I had to be at office at 7 AM and did not want to take a chance. My roommate offered her Nokia mobile and asked me to use it. But I had sometime and decided to fix my alarm clock..after all we're engineers..s/w engineers and not able to fix an alarm clock !! I started with our usual procedure "If something doesn't work, restart it..if it still doesn't work restart your computer". I switched off the clock ..no luck. So I unplugged it. Now it started to ring but every 10 minutes. After an hour, I figured out the "Snooze" functionality. There were a lot of buttons so snooze was easier for me. So I snoozed it first and then managed to find the right button and switched it off. It seemed flawless to me. But seems the clock is programmed differently. I figured out atlast how to use my alarm clock. I should never touch the snooze button. I should just switch it off. Today I wasn't sure if it would work and its amazing sometimes how well our body is programmed. I got up well before but still wanted to be in bed to check if my understanding is correct..though it wasn't a perfect solution..I fixed it..And Wow at 5:35 sharp it rang and I was happy !! I'll do some research later to really understand the clock !!

GWT

2006-07-08T01:17:00.000+05:30

Came through this acronym, thought of sharing it here !! Google Web Toolkit (GWT) is a Java software development framework that makes writing AJAX applications easy. With GWT, you can develop and debug AJAX applications in the Java language using the Java development tools of your choice. GWT is a JavaScript generator. GWT takes Java code written against a special API and converts it into browser-runnable Ajax code. Check a good tutorial at http://www.onjava.com/pub/a/onjava/2006/05/31/working-with-google-web-toolkit.html AJAX is an acronym for Asynchronous JavaScript And XML. A traditional web application will submit input (using an HTML form) to a web server. After the web server has processed the data, it will return a completely new web page to the user. Because the server returns a new web page each time the user submits input, traditional web applications often run slowly and tend to be less user friendly. With AJAX, web applications can send and retrieve data without reloading the whole web page. This is done by sending HTTP requests to the server (behind the scenes), and by modifying only parts of the web page using JavaScript when the server returns data. XML is commonly used as the format for receiving server data, although any format, including plain text, can be used. More examples at http://www.w3schools.com/ajax I tried the samples .. looks cool.

Faith

2006-07-07T22:23:00.000+05:30

Every creation in this world is a miracle.. I've always wondered if parikarams are worth it. So why this post now? Because I just spoke to my cousin sister today and remembered this incident which happened 3 years ago !! There is a place near Kanchipuram..a small Narayana temple. It's serving as a hope for several childless mothers. My cousin happened to be one. She was childless for 5 years. They heard about this news and came to our house as we were in Kanchipuram. The custom was, the wife had to follow some vratham in the temple. They had some whole grains roasted and would make a "mootai", dip it in water and tie it around her womb. She has to spend the night there saying some mantrams. If the next day morning the grain has sprouted, it means she is eligible to get a child and would conceive within a year. It worked out for my cousin..she has a cute girl now !! Technically, roasted grain can't sprout...atleast that is a miracle. Is it some chemical reaction?? Frankly, I never beleived this till she conceived. God only knows :-)

Earth rotates!!

2006-06-27T23:31:00.000+05:30

Has anyone felt the earth's rotation before? Do clouds move? I don't know !! But that was a strange experience .. It was drizzling outside and the temperature was near 0.. I just sat on my couch and was enjoying the rain drops from my window. The view was too good and there were a lot of tall buildings in my view..As I just looked up I could see the clouds making shapes in the sky.. but suddenly as I was lost in my thoughts, I saw that the building in front of me was tilting!!! I was surprised..may be it was at an angle. I just remembered the theory of relativity.. We sometimes sit in a train and feel as if the other train is moving. When the speed of travel of earth and clouds differ, it causes a relative motion. I tried to visualise it again but I couldn't. It wasn't a dream..I saw the earth rotate !!!

War in Iraq

2006-06-26T21:24:00.000+05:30

It has been 9 years since I read newspaper everday morning. Luckily, now everyday morning I get to watch CNN news for 1 hour. There is not a single day when there is no news about deaths in Iraq. I'm still reading articles on WHY? What do these people want? Why do they kill their own people? What do they gain? There was a bomb blast in a market place which killed 200 innocent people. Why do these people not realize the value of life? Today morning the news headlines said " Iraqi prime minister wants a schedule of when the US would withdraw the military troops from Iraq..". This was weird to me. His administration is so poor that the people have no guarantee for their lives. Unless he has things under control I don't think he has the right to ask US to get out. There are atleast 9000 US military personnel who have died and around 18,000 injured on Iraqi soil since 2002. Would any of us even imagine going to Iraq? Is there no value for sacrifices? People in US have started protesting asking US to withdraw the troops in Iraq. We need to wait for the consequences.

Men vs Women

2006-06-24T22:10:00.000+05:30

I read "Men are from Mars.." long back. The first real gift I received from my husband. It was an excellent book. Recently came through this website which tells the same information in a simpler way. http://www.hubbynet.com/hlywpt3.htm Surprisingly, both the authors are men !!! Inspite of caste,customs, social status, educational background.. all people have some similarity when it comes to relationships.. especially Husband and Wife !!! I had a dream today Me: Why do you match people wrongly and make their lives miserable? God (My favourite Ganesh) : HaHaHa !! Athu thane en vela.. Come on ..what is the fun if everything in life goes as u expect? If you have life with no challenges, then u'll have no work there u'll come back to me. (100% english la pesinaaru). Alarm sathi panniduchu.. I don't know the significance of this dream but something which made me think a lot.

Tongue is sharper than the knife

2006-06-21T03:18:00.000+05:30

My first real post :-) An inspiring forward that I received ... Practice speaking encouraging words Concentrate on the good qualities in other people that you can affirm and dwell on instead of their faults. Healing words can soothe stress and a peaceful mind leads to improved physical health too. Words can have a permanent effect for good or for evil. And we store it in our minds what others have said to us. But, what type of words you want others to store in their minds is entirly up to you. Avoid fueling verbal fires Be careful about your response when someone starts to blow up all over you. Many marriages have been destroyed in a fit of anger when people spew out hurtful accusations to one another that are never forgotten. A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Don't be a motormouth Listen more than you talk and think about what you're going to say before you say it. Don't just blurt out whatever is on your mind. If you enjoy monopolizing conversations, think about what other people may be experiencing when they're with you. So think before you let something out that you'll regret saying. Choose your thoughts carefully Thought patterns come out sooner or later in your conversations. So never think ill of anyone. Try to get bad things out of your mind as soon as possible. Once the hatred is not in ur mind it will never come in ur words. Pray for healing words to tap the source of wisdom Consider praying about what you are saying. Here's a to-the-point prayer: "Set a watch, O LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips" Want to have a better life? Choose better words!

Thought for the day

2006-06-10T02:43:00.000+05:30

Most of the things that we desire in life are expensive. But the truth is that the things that really satisfy us are absolutely free Love, Joy, Laughter and Friends...

2006-05-27T00:39:00.000+05:30

Just wanted to see how my blog looks like.