God's greatest gift

I'm just watching over my 2 kids grow up. I'm trying to find out if they are really enjoying each other's company. Sometimes, my son is happy to have a baby around but the next moment he feels insecure that someone else is sharing his parents, grandparents and even his toys. I'm beginning to realise that raising kids isn't as easy as I thought. But I'm enjoying every moment of my life, trying to give more than 100% to both my kids. A simple smile & a warm hug gives me the tonic after a long and tiring day. Children are definitely God's greatest gift.

Joy of motherhood

It has been a long break from blogging.We've been blessed with a baby boy.We've named him Niranjan. Its a new experience understanding your baby's language. He is the greatest gift that God has given me. 24 hours just seems too less. Planning to get back to blogging as soon as possible.

Creator's day

Mar 8 - International women's day. Saranya gets ready for work. She had a tough day and almost forgot her promise to her friends that she'd wear a saree to office that day to mark the unity of women. At last, she remembered and hurriedly clad herself in a saree and started off to work..As she was walking to catch her bus, she remembered the first time she celebrated women's day. It was five years back, she was in college 3rd year. Saranya's Mom was busy packing her lunch. Saranya: "அம்மா .. late ஆச்சு".. some konjals Mom: "புடவைய சரியா pin பண்ணு.. சீக்கறமா சாப்பிடு" Saranya: "Late ஆச்சு மா.." Mom: "இன்னுமும் சின்ன குழந்தை .. " Her mom feeds her and appreciates how beautiful she looks in the saree. Saranya came back to her senses and got into the bus. A tear fell down her cheek as she recollected the incidents today. She is no longer with her mom. A year had passed after marriage. No one to ask her caringly whether she ate her breakfast, no one to adjust her saree, to appreciate how lovely she looks. She was realizing that she is no longer a girl to be taken care of but a to-be mother who needs to take care of her child. But may be this was too quick for her. She wasn't sure why she was missing her mom. She wasn't a playful child. Being the eldest daughter, she was more responsible than her friends. She never thought she needed to be taken care of. She felt sleepy and closed her eyes. Who else can answer her questions except God? A lot of questions were running in her mind. "Did I marry early before I was mature enough to be a wife? Am I going to be the same immature mother? Will I take care of my child the same way my mom took care of me? Why do I feel so uncared for & insecure? Why doesn't my husband reciprocate my love? If u r within me, then why r u not guiding me properly? What is the use in celebrating women's day?" She had to get down. She tried to hide her disappointments before her collegues. Raji: "Hey , Saranya ..you look like an angel in this saree" Saranya:" Thanks Raji, you too look great" Raji: "Thanks.. and wish you a happy women's day" Subha: " Hey I've been searching for both of you..." Saranya: " What's the news?" Subha: "We have a debate today, "women's day special" & I've given our names" Raji:" Don't be joking. There would be lot's of people & we've not even prepared." Saranya: "Yeah !! I'm not in a mood for any debate today" They went to their seats. Saranya was still upset. She browsed through the list of special events for that day.. there were singing competitions, dancing competitions, dramas, debates etc. She had registered for the singing competition but her voice was worst after one whole night of crying. She unregistered from the singing event. She could not concentrate on her work. She decided to take a walk. Raji came to her and Saranya told her about her problems in the house and how upset she was. Her collegues were her only consolation. She felt better talking to them. Raji was also married and had a kid. So,she was senior to Saranya and her words were more comforting. Raji: "Ok..come on. We'll go to the auditorium. It would divert you" They both went to the auditorium. The debate was about to start. The topic was "Women's day celebration is it really a celebration?". There were 2 teams.. there was a team of all guys & another of all girls..not surprisingly Team A (men) argued that women are happier while the women argued that they are not. The judge was a lady. There were some pieces of the arguements that interested Saranya..God answers her questions in some form. Men spoke that women are financially independent than before. While women regretted that their relationships have suffered due to this growth. Since all 3 women were married the topic of,"women is the enemy of women" came into picture. "What's the use of money & recognition when there's no peace in the family", Saranya smiled to herself . After heated arguments from both ends, it was the judge's turn to speak. " I feel that women definitely have all the rights to feel happy. Women in this 50 years have improved themselves in a lot of ways. There goes a saying "Ignorance is bliss" . Women of yester years were ignorant..they confined themselves within 4 walls. Today, women help to run the family better..they have definitely reduced the burden of men. They need to feel proud about this growth. Its easier to go back and say we'll spend our childhood learning to cook & draw kolams, as a wife we'll cook, watch TV, gossip with neighbors, do shopping. But today's women are doing the job of a man+ a woman and they definitely deserve to be celebrated. Having said this, there are obstacles in their path be it in the form of a mother-in-law or a husband. The real challenge lies in facing these obstacles and reaching their goal. At the same time, these young men talking here make me feel proud about this generation of guys. These men have no ego abt their wives rising above them. They've been ladders for their wives to climb on. With their support, I'm sure women of this generation are much more happier and its in their hands to keep themselves happy. They need to feel proud about themselves and turn a blind eye to the obstacles. Wish you all a very happy women's day. Feel proud to be a woman. Remember, God created Man and realized that its not a perfect creation. He created a woman to correct his imperfection. But did not want these 2 species (men/women) to be a master/slave. So he has complemented them in a beautiful way that both of them need each other to be complete. This is what we all need to understand. So, the same way women are taking on more responsibilities , men need to share the burden of women and when that ego completely disappears we'd celebrate "Creator's day" and may be that's what God really wanted - equality." There were loud applauses.Saranya & Raji looked at each other. They both felt a surge of energy within them.

Love or Fear ?

Again, a post about relationships. I've noticed many times how husband and wife seem to adjust/ignore for the other's nature. There are very petty things to extremely important things that they fail to openly discuss with their partner. I've been wondering whether its due to love towards each other or fear? A simple example, my friend got married and for nearly a year she has been cooking for her husband. Potatoes don't suit the husband but it's his wife's favourite dish. So for a year, the hubby hasn't told this to his wife. After a year, suddenly he falls sick and the wife learns this from the doctor. Is this required? What has he gained in keeping numb? He could have definitely told his wife at the right time. It was just a fear of upsetting her. Habits are another night-mare. After an arranged marriage, our life-partner is surely new to us. Every habit differs. It's good to adjust but in what ways? Before marriage, he might have roamed out with his friends to cinemas. Now he might see his wife as one of his friends but then women are from Venus. So, she might enjoy shopping better than a movie. But she never speaks out. There was this funny incident. My friend was pissed off with her husband. Guess for what? He did not buy her flowers. ;-). They both had gone to the temple and the husband didn't pay attention to get her some flowers a matter of Rs 5. When the husband knew the reason, he cooly asks "Oh is this a big deal? You could have told me. Won't I spend Rs 5". He speaks practically. The wife snaps back, " I've enough money to buy it". She is right, she is not financially dependent on him but its an emotional dependency. The husband speaks back, " Then get it yourself. You're such an egoist". A small issue gets big. Now, for a minute if the husband had put himself in his wife's place. He should have thought, "I'm just into her life, she doesn't know my love unless I reassure her everyday. She has all reason to feel possessive, uncared for, insecure.She hasn't desired for an impossible thing so what does she need? She needs my attention and a reassurance that I'll always be there for her." Now his reply would be, "Ok.. I'm sorry. Next time I'll remember. I didn't mean to hurt u". Communication is the key. Now if the wife never speaks back how many ever years it takes, the husband might never know how she feels. Again, can everything be communicated? The answer is a big "NO". A girl after 20-25 years of playfulness is expected to behave maturely right after the knot is tied. And she tries her best to win everyone's heart. Life just becomes adjustment & compromise for her. So, as a wife she expects her husband to understand her. When he continues to be a playboy she feels as if she's giving more & receiving nothing in return. Occassional small things will make her feel all her adjustments are worth it. Every wife complains, "If I have to tell him everything then why the hell did he marry?" "Why should I beg him to show love?" "If he really loves me, he should know" "He doesn't care". I feel that there's nothing wrong in communicating our feelings to our partner. After all why should we adjust/tolerate if there's a way out? We can adjust out of love but shouldn't fail to express out of fear. There's no use in just reading the book "Men r from Mars..", the true value of education is in trying to follow the principles in life.

Relationships

Recently, I watched a TV show where there was an argument about relationships. The crux/conclusion of the arguments was the most important/effective relationship is “Husband-Wife”. Though surprising, practically the answer is right. People can live without their parents. The death of their parents doesn’t end their life. People exist without siblings. There are even childless couples whose life continues. But the single most difficult loss to counter is the death/separation of spouse. I asked my mom, “Whom do you love more, dad or us?” The reply she gave just amazed me, “The world might say that mother’s love is the best but that’s never true. A husband however bad he might be is a woman’s first love. She might shout at him but will never stop loving him. When her children fall sick or move away after marriage/career a woman would feel the loss but to a much lesser degree than when her husband leaves her/dies." She continued, " Similarly, your dad though he doesn't show his emotions would never bear to see me suffering even from a slight fever." We call our spouse as "life partner". The only person who is there for us throughout our life. As I was thinking on this I bumped into a link , Get your relationships 'organised' Do we really give this much importance to this most important relationship? I think we take certain things for granted. Sadly, this relationship has been the least respected from time immemorial. A generation ago, this relationship remained intact becoz wives were more tolerant. But now, even love marriages are failing miserably. The attention that we give each other when we are lovers just vanishes out of sight after marriage. We spend a lot of time in earning money, planning for our future, career, children, etc but spare no time to do small things which show our spouse " Hey !! I love you the most. Come what may you are the most important person in my life". A wife definitely expects this not sure even if a husband also feels neglected after marriage. One of my collegues, did her MBA and got married to another business executive. She was so career-oriented that she would always be touring. She won laurels everywhere but within a year her husband filed for a divorce and she has no regrets now. She feels her husband is egoistic and hinders her growth. Her husband was a normal person who expects his wife to take care of his family, wake him up with a smile and wait for him when he returns home with a hot dinner, spends the weekends with him, listens to his tensions, etc but he got the opposite wife who expects him to cook dinner, comes home tired with a lot of tensions to share rather than listen. He had politely told her about his feelings. She wasn't ready to change. Another collegue, his wife is a house-wife. He was too busy with his work that he hardly spent time at home. His wife got pissed off and left him. Quite understandable.. She sits at home staring at the door waiting for her husband. When everyday he comes late and is too tired to notice even the new saree she is wearing, or appreciate the nice dinner she has cooked, she feels uncared for. She would be planning the whole week for the weekend while her husband would come home on a Friday evening saying, " I've to work this weekend. I've a deadline to meet". Still worse is couples divorcing due to problem/mis-understandings among in-laws. When its a universal truth that mother-in-law and daugther-in-law never get along well, we seldom notice how this strains the relationship b/w husband & wife. So marriages in either way don't suceed whether the wife is an office-goer or a house-wife. God definitely didn't create man to suffer but there seems to be very few happy people. So its definitely man who is spoiling his own happiness. People are starting to lose faith in this husband-wife relationship. As days pass, women's self-respect would definitely increase and adjustmentment and tolerance would reduce. It's no doubt that we are competing with the developed countries but definitely at the cost of our relationships. A generation from now we might see India completely westernised.

ஒரு புது முயற்சி

நாரதர் : " நாராயணா !! நாராயணா !! " விஷ்ணு : " என்ன நாரதரே.. மிகவும் கவலையுடன் உள்ளீர்கள் ?" நாரதர் : "பிரபு !! பூலோகத்தில் 2 நாட்கள் இருந்தேன். ஒரு வயதான அம்மாவின் குரல் கேட்டது. அவள் உங்களை சபித்து கொண்டு இருந்தாள்..." விஷ்ணு : " எதற்காக நாரதரே?" நாரதர் : " பிரபு !! உங்களுக்கு தெரியாததா? அந்த அம்மையார் உயிர் வாழ ஆசை இல்லாமல் உங்களடி சேர தினமும் பிரார்தனை செய்கிறாள். தாங்கள் அவள் பிரார்தனையை நிறைவேற்றாததால் உங்களை சபித்து கொண்டு இருந்தாள். " விஷ்ணு : " என்ன கொடுமை இது? வாழ பிடிக்காத அளவிற்கு அவளுக்கு என்ன பிரச்சனை?" பிரம்மா : "பிரபு !! எல்லாம் மருமகள் பிரச்சனை தான். உங்களை சபிப்பவர்கள் மிகவும் குறைச்சல்..ஆனால் என்னை எல்லா பெண்களும் தினமும் சபிக்கின்றனர்." நாரதர் : " ஆம் பிரபு !! 'என்னை ஏன் பெண்ணாக படைத்தாய்?' என்று புலம்பாத பெண்களே இல்லை" பிரம்மா : "பிரபு !! இந்த பிரச்சனைக்கு ஒரு முடிவு சொல்லுங்கள் " முருகர் : " இப்பொழுது தான் கூட்டு குடும்பங்கள் குறைந்து விட்டதே பிறகு என்ன பிரச்சனை?" நாரதர் : " முருகா ! கூட்டு குடும்பங்கள் பல வகைகளில் உதவுகின்றன. கணவன் மனைவி பிரச்சனை, குழந்தை வளர்ப்பு என சொல்லிக்கொண்டே போகலாம்." விஷ்ணு : "இப்பொழுது என்ன செய்வது? விநாயகர் : " நாரதரே ! எல்லா பிரச்சனைகளையும் விவரியுங்கள்" நாரதர் : " 1. பெண்கள் தான் பெண்ணாக பிறந்ததையே சாபமாக நினைக்கின்றனர். வாழ்வில் அவர்களுக்கு துன்பம் மட்டும் தான் என்று புலம்புகின்றனர். 2. எந்த பெண்ணும் தனக்கு பெண் குழந்தை பிறப்பதை விரும்பவுது இல்லை. 3. மாமியார் மருமகள் பிரச்சனையால் குடும்பத்தில் அனைவர் அமைதியும் குலைகிறது." விநாயகர் : " எல்லா பெண்களும் திருமணத்திற்கு பிறகும் தன் பெற்றோரோடு இருக்கட்டும். இதுவும் கூட்டு குடும்பம்தானே. இதனால் பெண்கள் தனக்கு பெண் குழந்தை தான் பிறக்க வேண்டும் என்று விரும்புவர். மாமியார் மருமகள் பிரச்சனை மறைந்துவிடும். குடும்பத்தில் அமைதி நிலவும்." நாரதர் : " இது ஒரு புது முயற்சி தான். ஆனால் ஆண்கள் தன் பெற்றோரை பிரிந்து இருக்க வேண்டுமே?" விநாயகர் : " ஆண்களால் இதுவரை ஏதேனும் பிரச்சனை வந்ததுண்டா? குடும்ப அமைதிக்காக தினமும் கஷ்டப்படுபவர்கள் இந்த தியாகத்தையும் செய்யட்டுமே. இரு பெண்கள் ஒற்றுமையாக இருப்பது அதிசயம், தாய் மகளை தவிர !!" முருகர் : "அண்ணா !! நீங்கள் சொல்வது சரிதான்." பிரம்மா : " விநாயகா !! நீ சொல்வது போல் உலகை மாற்றி அமைக்கிறேன். அப்பொழுதாவது அமைதி நிலவுகிறதா என்று பார்க்கலாம் !!"

Unconditional Love

Often, I've wondered what is the reason for so much unhappiness in this beautiful world. The reason, I find in common is "Expectation". Whenever we expect we push ourselves into a sea of unhappiness. I happened to read an excerpt from the writings of Paramahansa Yogananda here Yet another site explains Unconditional love Let me start from the very basic things, Friends: We expect them to be truthful to us and when we find that they aren't trustworthy we get disappointed. Husband & Wife : There are a lot of expectations and disappointments. God : Do we love God unconditionally? We go to temples to pray and when our wish is fulfilled we thank God and beleive in him whereas when our wishes aren't fulfilled we hate him and start losing faith. Does God love us unconditionally? If so, there should be no worries in this universe. Parents & Children : Why is mother's love called "Unconditional"? Maybe we should categorise parents as 1. Parents of a son 2. Parents of a daughter The love of parent 1 can never be said as unconditional. They educate their son not only to fend for himself but to take care of them in their old age. (Atleast in India it is so). With that expectation, though many mothers hide their disappointment and say "However you are I'll love you" internally they do have that expectation/possessiveness etc. The love of parent 2 is nearly unconditional. They shower their love and affection on their daughter knowing fully well she is going to leave them alone in their old age. They don't deny her any education. They spend lavishly for her marriage just for her well-being. What do they get in return? They are no different than parent 1 except they have a girl instead of a boy. Is there something called "Unconditional Love"? Is it possible to just do our duty and expect nothing in return? Is it possible to be like Jesus/Buddha turning a deaf ear to what others say abt us?