Tagged Again !!

Has to be me had tagged me !! Here it goes 3 Smells I love: 1. Flowers 2. Smell of rain 3 Smells I hate: 1. Fish (all non-veg food) 2. Crackers 3. Cigarette 3 Jobs that I have had in my life: 1. Teacher 2. S/W Professional 3 Movies that I could watch over and over: Most old tamil movies 3 Fond memories: 1. The day I got a gold medal and my father collected it on my behalf !! I still remember his words on how proud he felt to be recognized as "Pavithra's father ". 2. The day I realized I'm married !! 3 Jobs I would love to have: 1. Teaching 2. Cooking 3. Anything that keeps me occupied !! 3 Things I like to do: 1. Be alone, just staring at nature 2. Cooking 3. Sleep w/o any disturbance 3 Of my favorite foods: 1. Ice-cream 2. Anything with Brinjal/Potato 3. Milk shakes 3 Places I would like to be right now: Any quiet/calm place !! 3 Things that make me cry: There's only one thing I suppose, love !! Let me tag 3 people Karthik , Ambi and Syam

Politeness

Polite soothing words can make a lot of difference in our day-to-day life. I was watching the film "Muthu" and there was a scene where Meena would shout at vadivelu arrogantly refusing his proposal for marriage. Superstar would say a dialogue meaning, "Say the same answer with a smile..". This politeness is the key to many problems in our day-to-day life. Scene #1: Husband : Wait for sometime. I'll drop you. Wife (One response) : Thanks ..but it's getting late for me. You need not hurry. I'll manage by myself. See you in the evening. Bye. Wife (2nd Response) : I can't wait till you get ready. I'm leaving. Wife (3rd response) : If you really wanted to drop me you should have got ready in time. I'm leaving. ( Blaming him) Wife (4th response) : No need. I have legs and I'm not at your mercy. Don't act as if you're concerned abt me. Blah Blah... How does a husband feel at these responses? The wife is not feeling well and probably they had a fight too. The husband really cares for his wife and wants to make up. Though all these responses mean the same, the first response is the politest one which makes both of them happy. The other 3 vary from mild to most harshness. Scene #2: The lady is waiting for the house-maid and its getting late for her. House-maid: Sorry M'am. I'm not feeling well. Lady: What happened? Ok..go to the doctor. Take care of your health. Take this Rs 50/-. I'll do the work today. If you feel well then come to work tommorrow else take rest. Lady: Ok .. finish the work soon..it's getting late for me. No need to mop the floor today you can do it tomorrow. Lady: How come you get an excuse everytime? Monthly twice you take leave saying this reason. For the work you do the salary you get itself is too much..from next time I'll cut down on your salary then only you'll stop giving silly reasons. What a difference politeness can make !! Scene #3 Man : Sir, I need 2 days leave. I need to go to my native place for Diwali. Manager : Ok..I understand u've been working too hard and you really need a break. But the deadline is near and if you can complete it sooner you can take a week off. But right now it might be difficult for the project if you go on leave. All your efforts for these 6 months would be wasted. If you insist on going now then, you can take a day off. Manager : Ok.. if you complete your work then I think you can take 1 day leave. Else you need to push your leave plans. With the project at a critical stage, I don't think you can take 2 days off. Manager : Leave ? Come on..how can you act so irresponsibly? The project is slipping the schedule and I'm already getting calls from all quarters. How can I run this project with people like you. How can you think of celebrating Diwali at this critical time? There are 25 people in this team .. let all of us enjoy ourselves and close this project. I never expected this from you. What would the man have done? The first reply makes him realize that he is an important member and this makes him feel good. The second doesn't hurt him. While the third, demoralizes him. Even if he decides to stay back he can't work with the same interest that he had before. Everyday we come across several situations like this where we spoil our moods and others' by shouting unnecessarily and spreading tension around us. Tension takes away the smile from our face and in turn takes peace from us as well as in the environment. Anger is a deadly disease. Its well said, "He who angers you conquers you". The words spoken in anger can never be taken back. Everyone likes to hear polite words. Politeness is a great virtue to be possessed !!

Project/Life Management

3 friends Raju, Ramu and Somu, graduate from a top engg. college. All of them have been peers from childhood and are equally efficient be it studies, sports or other extra-curricular activities. If Ramu comes first one term, next time its Somu's or Raju's turn. All 3 are placed in the same company and wish each other good luck before they get assigned to their respective projects. Raju joins as a team member (TM) in a big project. He is really worried becoz he's the only new member in the team. His project manger(PM) and project leader(PL) handle him with utmost care. They give him every opportunity to grow and he starts feeling comfortable. His Team Leader (TL) guides him in the right path. He never blames him for his faults rather tells him politely " Its ok to make mistakes. That's how you learn. Avoid it next time". He is extremely happy and life is cool. He performs very well and is selected as the best associate of the year. He is the youngest to acheive this..How was this possible? His superiors moulded him properly and got their work done. A perfect example of a team work. With all their experience, they knew how to handle people. They were given a glass jar and now it has become hard metal ready to face more challenges. Raju got promoted as a Team Leader and he set a perfect example. He kept moving higher and now he is the youngest entrepreneur with 30 people working under him. In an interview he said, "I owe my success to my parents because without them I'd not have been a good individual. I should thank my professors and friends who helped me gain knowledge in this world. I should thank the TL,PL and PM of my first project, who were a second mother to me. Though inherently I was talented, they brought out the talent in me and within 7 years I'm a much more confident and successful person". Ramu joined a project with a lot of aspirations. He joined as a TM and was handed over to a TL who was responsible to take care of him. The PM or PL did not assign him any work. He had his project work and in addition he did some learning on his own. Noone guided him. He tried to improve himself technically and clear certification exams but that didn't make his TL, PL or PM happy. His TL abused him in every work he did and interfered in his job while the same code had been said to be excellent by others. He got appreciated by everyone for his perfect planning at work. The TL kept comparing him against other TM's and said, "You didn't participate in the birthday celebrations, team outings..you are not taking initiative". He's fed up at this ill-treatment. He decided to quit and at the exit interview says, "I can never accept that this failure is solely becoz of me..its due to lack of team work. When we 4 are like 4 wheels of a car, if one tyre is weak still the car can make to its destination. Likewise, I'm new to this project while you 3 are already here. You should understand that it would take me a lot of time to understand things here. Things can't happen overnight. I think I'm worth more than being here but to the new member who comes in please don't treat him like how you did me. 1. Stop complaining abt the TM. Every TM has his negatives and if the PL/PM keep cribbing , the project is not going to succeed. 2. Give them a definite goal/plan and evaluate them based on that. Instead of expecting something from them and without informing them how would they know? 3. Encourage them in new initiatives. 4. Stop seeing them with hatred/fear that he may shine better than you. After all, we all work in the same team. 5. Always give constructive feedback. Don't expect the TM to be happy when you keep saying, "I don't know who gave you an engineering degree. You are fit for nothing" . Though Ramu was equally talented, his environment was completely against him and he failed at first. The glass jar has been broken, though its repaired it can never be the same again. Somu, was a bit more luckier than Ramu. He too had a worse environment with noone to guide. His PL didn't know what it means to appreciate. But atleast his TL was a good man. He helped Somu to improve technically and encouraged him though his PL and PM were always against him. His PM and PL's expectations were different. Somu told clearly in the interview that he is interested in working and has experience in Java but they thought they could retrain him in the technology of their choice. What a folly? THey did not have their requirements clear. They chose the wrong resource and now instead of utilizing and correcting their mistake they crib and make the situation worse. Somu was disappointed becoz his aspirations were shattered still he tried to train himself. But they expected him to be an expert right from day 1 and kept comparing him against experienced people. They were also unhappy. Somu could not shine much because his environment wasn't favourable. The project didn't fare well and the PL left the project. It could have been a win-win situation. Though it took time, luck has started favouring him. Now, he is the PL for a project of his choice. ******************************************************* A very good management principle and an excellent example of what a manager/leader should do. Applying the same to life, assuming life as a long-term project, we all fall into either of the 3 categories. Successful, Failures , Hoping. Let me substitute the management roles to home members. TM - Wife / Daughter-in-law TL - Husband / Son PL - Mother-in-law PM - Father-in-law As a TM, the newly wed DIL never wants to create any confusion in the house. Will someone wantedly destroy peace? But, she is the only person blamed for that. She, becoming a Raju,Ramu or Somu depends largely on the other 3 members. First case, perfect family .. full of love and understanding. Sadly, happens rarely. Second case, worst family. With everyone against her, she quits either out of the family or out of this world itself. Sadly, this happens even today. Third case, neutral family. With 75% women working, are families clear on whether they want their DIL to work or not? Customs, culture, town/city brought up, attitude,etc what not? When requirements itself is wrong is it correct to blame the DIL? If atleast husband supports his wife and stands by her, she has a reason to hope that one fine day things would be normal. Still she's waiting for the MIL to quit..she's just tolerating. Atleast at work, the PL and PM move out of the project and would never be under the TM..but in life its not so. Once things come into her hand, she starts taking revenge. It's hell of a life for everyone. This is the situation of most families today. When we know we have a disease and we also know the cure, we fail to accept it. May be God didn't want a perfect world? Is that why there are least Raju's and more Ramu's and Somu's? Will this situation change atleast in our generation?

High/Ultra sensitivity

People who are short tempered are called sensitive. But for me it was different. I would compare myself to the touch-me-not plant (தொட்டாசினுங்கி). Lately, I was just getting irritated at my sensitivity. Once my collegue was working and I went behind and started talking to him..he jumped off his seat. This didn't surprise me becoz that's exactly what I do when I'm doing something. Its something like "Arjuna's concentration" and I get into another world completely involved in whatever I'm doing and a sudden interference would tense me. So, we both seemed to have a common habit and he told me its not a habit but a trait. I did not beleive him at first till he told me some symptoms and proved that those are common for a minority group of people called "HSPs" (Highly Sensitive People). He showed me a nice article Being Sensitive -- in an Insensitive World . There was another article The ultra-sensitive person which says, "This experience is doubly true with your intimate partner or family members whom is around you more than probably anyone else. The tension can get in the way of having a smooth and easy way of connecting. If you feel some anger some where and you get scared that it may get expressed on you then that will be distracting to your being in intimate contact - it will put distance between you and the other. Now this anger may be something that never needs to be expressed and gets resolved in some other way - in others words it is a part of someone's internal mixture that does not have to be focused on, but with your sensitivities it all seems very real and any history you have may get activated." Some of which I could correlate with me were: * They are born with a nervous system that may see, hear, smell or feel more than others. They may have low tolerance to noise, glaring lights, strong odors, clutter and/or chaos. They tend to have more body awareness of themselves and know instinctually when the environment they are in is not working for them. * When someone is abusing them, they experience sudden pain in stomach, raised body temperature and pulse rate. They retreat into absolute, deadly-calm stillness. They want to scream out, "Stop it! Don't you see you're killing me! Just stop it!" They experience "overwhelm" -- they feel their physical, mental and emotional systems can't tolerate any more. It almost feels like they're being pounded on. They want to run away. * They are very intuitive and can usually sense if someone isn't telling the truth or if something else is wrong. * They are highly affected by other people's moods. If someone around them is crying tears automatically start flowing from their eyes. They see others in them and always get too intimate and the line is too thin. * HSPs can feel happy in their hearts on a joyous occasion but are unable to express it. They are seen as inhibited or unsociable. They do not like social situations and prefer having deep intimate conversations with someone one on one. * They may require an entire night's sleep to be clear enough to express how they feel about an issue. * Sensitive people have a greater capacity for inner searching. * They get a sense of comfort and well being when around a lake, river, stream, the ocean, or even a fountain. * They need frequent alone time to recover from overwhelm or over-stimulation. * They get concerned and worry about many things, and have also been told "you take things too personally." * They make it a high priority to arrange their life to avoid upsetting or overwhelming situations. I tried the sensitivity quiz and my score was 23/27 . So having known I have this trait, is there a way out? Roger says,"If you don't already see your heightened sensitivities as a gift it is harder to be gentle with yourself as you explore the challenges of this kind of life. You were given this capability for a reason, NOT to cause you harm, even though at times you feel hurt and uncomfortable." This makes sense we can't change our god-given features !! Some people suggest Yoga, peaceful walk alone, music..Should try these and see if it helps else neurotherapy seems to be the only option !!