Joint families

Many times I've felt that God answers my questions in some way. Sometimes there are premonitions, preparing me for some future incidents. As I was browsing, I bumped into this url . The comments section is also good. My collegue is pregnant and on a casual chat, I asked her how she is managing without the help of her mother-in-law. The conversation took an interesting shape with 2 more collegues joining. We were 4 women there and each with a different point of view. Let me give the other 3 names as Shuba, Suja and Geetha. Geetha is the one who is expecting a baby and lives with her husband. Shuba lives with her in-laws and has a 9 month old girl. Suja lives near her parents and has a 10-month old girl. I'm in a joint-family with my in-laws and not yet into motherhood. Any woman, be it a working or a house-wife finds it tough to manage alone during and after pregnancy. So, the essence of a joint family system is sharing of work. There is always a helping hand. So, the conversation grouped into 2 groups with myself and Shuba one side and Geetha and Suja on the other. The topic drifted to "Why is there dearth in joint families?" Shuba - May be, parents are in towns and villages and we are working in cities. They might have commitments in their places. Suja - Even otherwise, elders are a pain. My in-laws are too graceful. They know we both are working and we have our own ways. They realized that my ways are different than theirs and stayed back in Madurai. Geetha - True !! Further, husbands now-a-days are too helping. There can be no intimacy between husband and wife. I saw my mom suffer in a joint family. Even to speak a word to my dad, she had to wait till night. Now, I love my husband 100 times more. He does everything for me. He takes care of me. Me - Do you mean to say he would not love you if you were with your in-laws? Geetha - No. Everyone loves their spouse but expressing their love is what matters. When he helps me in doing house-hold chores, I just feel so cared for. He makes me a tea in the morning and I can't explain..it feels so good to get tat attention from your husband. I feel mothers should stop bossing around their sons after marriage. The same way I'm maturing into a wife, even he needs to mature into a husband rather than just being a son. Now, sometimes I just feel like holding his hands and leaning on his shoulders and I can do it. There are many small things which we miss in a joint family. The spark of romance is never there and life just becomes monotonous/mechanical. Suja - To add to it, it helps me to reduce my frustation. When I've left behind my parents and come just for him the very feeling that he keeps me as his first priority makes me feel secure. When we(me and in-laws) were together, he would lie down on his mother's lap..it might make them happy but it would make me feel home sick. Now I can lie down on his lap and see my mom in him. Me - Accepted that there are certain disadvantages in a joint family. But what about the advantages? Isn't it our duty to take care of them? Suja - Come on. No one is deserting them. That's why I said, my in-laws are gracious. There is always a generation gap. Both of us need to understand that. Every person has their own ideas and creativity. I should get a feeling that this is my house. For 30 years, she has been the queen of the house now its time to let go. We both are fine now. We visit them frequently and they too. Since we are alone, even my parents can come and stay in our house. After all, who would take care of my parents? That way things are even. Everyone is happy. Being away and peaceful is better than being together and constantly fighting. Shuba - That means you're lucky. Even I've felt too suppressed at times. But I'm getting used to it. Me - I think this education is reducing the tolerance levels in us. Suja - I completely disagree with you. Education has given us maturity. Do you mean to say there were no problems between mother-in-law daughter-in-law 50 years ago? This is an age-old problem. Its sad that things aren't changing. Immature daughter-in-laws shout back and immediately leave to their parent's house. It takes a process to set things right. Me - That's true. But women were too much dependent on their husbands and always had the insecurity that her husband might desert her. So, atleast she acted like tolerating though counting the days when she can really boss around. Shuba - True. I think to live in a joint family you need to be deaf to your in-laws comments. But education and job has given us self-respect and makes us ask to ourself "Why should I?". Its not a rose bed sometimes its just a thorn-bed. Geetha - We're drifting from the topic. To your question, I'm much happy now than before. I get undivided attention from my husband and that makes me happy. What more is required for a healthy pregnancy? As long as, we both are happy the house-hold works doesn't matter. I've told my mom not to come to help me. May be after I get a child, for a few months my mom or mother-in-law may come to help me. Suja - My mom was there with me to take care of the child. But, I think that is because of my laziness. Otherwise, many of my friends manage by themselves. Shuba - Now, things are getting tricky too. My in-laws are trying to force their opinions on my child. They tell bad things about my parents. My husband doesn't bother, or atleast he is afraid to question his parents. This leads to unwanted quarrels between us. I don't want them to interfere with how I bring up my child. Suja - This is bad. After all, then what are you living for? No intimacy with husband, no freedom at house, now no independence in bringing up your child too. There is a limit for submissiveness. In what way are our parents inferior to them? They have shown the same love and care that our in-laws have shown on our husbands. What right do they have to separate us from our parents? Shubha - True. They expect us to mingle into the family but prevent their son from mingling with our family. How can this symbiotic relationship work? Me - I accept ur view..but things are changing. Why can't you talk with your in-laws about this? Shuba - Certain things won't change. It's their selfish/insecure attitude. What to talk? When their son itself doesn't have the guts, how can I? Its easier to forgive your own family. They would just brand me as egoistic. I'm starting to feel that some precious years of my life are slipping away doing nothing. May be that's my fate. Me - Shuba..you have a lot of patience. You are leading a project here. I think this should not be a problem. I'm not asking you to be submissive but speak with your husband and let him know how you feel. I think he'll understand. Let not small misunderstandings spoil a healthy relationship. -----------------------------*-------------------------------- What can be done for a peaceful joint family? Wife : 1. Needs to understand that her in-laws are not her enemies. Their acts are just out of insecurity. 2. Make them understand that she's not there to separate them from their son. Rather, adapt and be their daugther. 3. Though her husband loves her, there are times when he can't support her openly. So, blaming him doesn't work. After all, he's suffering more than her. 4. Her parents are equally important and they need to have their self-respect. Husband: 1. Try to understand that his wife is equally or more important to him 2. His mom has the 100% support of his dad + equal support from him but its his wife who feels uncared for and insecure. 3. Appreciate his wife in even small adjustments she does. This gives her the energy to face life. She needs a reason to continue her journey and that is just love. She needs assurance that you understand every effort she takes. 4. Understand she has no happiness in tolerating his parents. She is losing her intimacy, independence, creativity, individuality and her parent's love. But all this is only for one reason "husband's love". She deserves more. 5. Try to balance for the intimacy which she might have otherwise got in a nuclear family. Sometime alone might work wonders. She just needs to be heard. 6. Understand that the more he cares for his parent-in-laws, the more his wife would get attached to his parents. As long as he maintains a distance she tends to keep worrying about her parent's future. Once she gets the confidence that he's there to take care of them, she starts giving back. In-laws (Wife's): 1. Try to understand that the girl has been a daughter for these many years and is new to a married life. She is just like wet mud and has to be moulded as required but too much pressure can destroy her. 2. Give away responsibilities than holding on to them. Push them into the water then they'll swim. Experience is the best teacher. There is no right way of doing things. Each person needs to have their individuality. 3. Treat her parents with due respect. Understand that as long as her parents are happy she would be happy and any problem there would increase hatred towards them. 4. Give some time alone for their son and daughter-in-law, instead of feeling jealous at her happiness. 5. Try to let go of their son rather than holding back. When both parents and wife pull a man, ultimately noone is going to be benefitted. Parents: 1. Do not interfere and question the mother-in-laws' behaviour. Even if the mistake is on the mother-in-law, she wouldn't accept it. This would add fuel to the fire. 2. Have confidence on son-in-law. When their daughter, who is 24*7 with her in-laws takes a long time to understand them, don't expect your son-in-law to be a son soon. 3. Always pacify your daughter though you know she has all reason to crib. Never add fuel. Will this strategy work? Is it asking too much from all? What else is the solution to this never-ending problem?

Law of nature

At a busy Chennai Airport Shanthi is hurrying to catch her flight to a conference at Delhi. Suddenly, she stops to look at a familiar face. "Soumya" , she calls out and the girl looks up to recognize her best friend. Soumya: "Shanthi, how are you? You look so pretty". Shanthi: "What are you doing here? I thought you completed your medicine and would be a doctor by now. You are wearing a receptionist uniform." Soumya: "Shanthi, mine is a big story. Seems you are in a hurry. Are you at Chennai?" Shanthi: "Yes, I've to catch a flight to Delhi now. My head would burst if I don't hear your story. I'll take your address and phone number. I'll call you once I'm back" Shanthi left to Delhi. But she could not resist her temptation to know what would have made her friend's life so miserable. She closed her eyes and started thinking of her life 10 years back. Shanthi and Sowmya were good friends. Shanthi was the daughter of a washerman. She had just 3 clothes to wear to school. Her father was a drunkard and beat her mother. "Satan, is in our house in your form. Look at those rags, all useless girls. I have to earn to take care of them and get them married. You are not fit to give birth to a male child." Discrimination, that's all Shanthi knew. Worse was when her mom gave birth to a boy. He was the apple of everyone's eye. Her mom, used to give him good food and give only the left-overs to the other 4. Shanthi's sisters could not go to school but Shanthi managed to get a scholarship due to her intelligence. Soumya, the daughter of a land-lord. She has the finest of clothes and had very good well-behaved parents. Shanthi used to faint quite often because she used to give her share of food to her sisters. Soumya would share her lunch with Shanthi. Shanthi used to refuse saying, "My sisters are eating stale food. I can't enjoy myself when they suffer." When Shanthi could not pay her exam fees, Soumya's parents offered help. Shanthi refused. Soumya told her, "Shanthi, you are the eldest of the five. Study well. Your mom is tolerating all these beatings and harshness just because she can't support herself and you five. I'm not sure if she can live without your dad, though he is a devil. Learn from her mistakes. Education would give you self-respect and confidence to face life. Please accept this money and study well. You're not born to suffer". Shanthi could not refuse. Soumya went to a richer school while Shanthi continued. She took up a part-time job of helping in house-hold work after school and managed to pay her fees by herself. God had given her enough challenges to keep her strong. Shanthi came state first and went to thank Soumya's parents. Soumya had also done well and was about to join a medical college. She couldn't meet Soumya, as she had gone to her grandparent's place. Shanthi wanted to be a teacher and start free school for all the slum girls. Ambitious plans !! Shanthi had joined college much against the wishes of her parents. They had told her not to step back into the house if she steps into college. She had endured enough tears so far and wanted to get out of this hell. The thought of leaving her sisters behind troubled her. But, she said to herself that she'll study well, earn money and then take care of her family. She left Chennai and studied her BSc(Maths). Luck started favouring her. She could easily top the university and got offers from various companies. But, within this 3 years, there was another change in her life. She did not stay in the ladies hostel because it would be too expensive. She stayed in a small hut. She took up a part-time job and sent the money to her sisters. Next to the hut, there was a small house and a beautiful family. Raja, was Shanthi's senior doing MSc. They were good friends. Raja was amazed at the confidence level of Shanthi and of course of her beauty and humility. Raja's family liked Shanthi. They were not a rich family. Shanthi married Raja. What a life, she had got? Raja encouraged Shanthi in all her ideas. She had got the best in-laws who took care of her like their daughter. Shanthi had never experienced a mother's love or sweet words before. She had suffered for 21 years. May be, all her sins have been washed away. Raja, was working in a decent company and earning enough to support his family. He allowed Shanthi to take her own decision. Shanthi had refused all her highly paying, job offers and took up teaching in an elementary school. She slowly started a small school with few teachers which provided free education to all poor girls. Now, it has been 5 years after marriage. They have a 2 year old kid, Swetha. Shanthi is now travelling to participate in a conference at Delhi about the plight of girls and the action to be taken by the government. Shanthi was the key speaker and she had convinced the government to grant her funds for her school. She returned back triumphantly. Raja was waiting at the airport with Swetha. They celebrated this success. Shanthi was searching for her pen in her purse, when suddenly she remembered the phone number of Soumya. She called Soumya "Soumya, I'm back. Can we meet today? I've a lot of stories to share with you". They both met in a beach, and started speaking about their lives. Soumya, who had known nothing except happiness in her life, now knows nothing but sorrows. Soumya's father died of an heart-attack and all the wealth was taken away by relatives. Her mom fell sick and she had to quit college to take care of her mom. Further, she could not pay the fees. Nobody was there to help. Her qualification was just a +2 and she could not get any decent job. She was a typist for a few years. Her mom also died. She and her 2 sisters were at the mercy of their aunt. They forced her to marry a rogue because they can't take care of her. She wondered, "Why is he not loving like my dad?". Worse, he was a womaniser. Life had become miserable for her. She did not want to live anymore. But, she was pregnant. She could not kill the child. She remembered Shanthi's mom and the advice she gave to Shanthi.She divorced her husband. She joined a correspondence course and completed her BA. Initially, she struggled with her child with noone to help. But, managed to get a job as a receptionist. She has a son and, he has become the meaning of her life. Shanthi was moved, "Sowmya, how can all this happen to you? God has no mercy. " Soumya said, " Even I've felt the same. But whenever I lose confidence on life I tell these lines to myself. "எது நடந்ததோ அது நன்றாகவே நடந்தது எது நடக்கிறதோ அதுவும் நன்றாகவே நடக்கிறது எது நடக்குமோ அதுவும் நன்றாகவே நடக்கும்" (Verses from Bhagvad Gita) I suffered a lot to get a divorce. I'm studying law. There are a lot of women still suffering out of fear. Marriage is sacred but its proving to be hell for many women. I want to help them. I've started a women's welfare trust where people like me, who once decided to end their life get a rehabilitation." Shanthi said, "Soumya, I wish you all the best. Never hesitate to take my help when you require. I'm really proud of you" Sowmya thanked Shanthi and left home. Shanthi was silently watching the ocean. She was still not able to accept what she had just heard. Shanthi, a slum girl, who has never smiled in her life is now bringing a smile in many faces. Soumya, brought up with a silver spoon, is also doing the same. Life is full of joys and sorrows. You can be happy for a period of time but then nature surprises you with its own wrath. May be, that's the law of nature. May be, how much we suffer also depends on our previous sins. She understood nature's law. The ebb and fall of the waves depicted the very law of nature. When there is a rise, there is a fall and rise again and life goes on. The wave that falls goes back into the ocean to regain its strength and rises again. She visualised the waves rising higher and higher, without falling, result?? should be a tsunami? Shanthi climbed the ladder from step 1 while Soumya has fallen from the top but she has struggled to climb the ladder again. Only those who understand this law will try to climb others just stay down. People with confidence, think that failures are the stepping stones to success. Everyday is a lesson to learn but we fail to understand the laws !!

Who is God ?

When I was a child, I asked my Grandma "Why do you go to temple?" She told me, "I go to temple to pray to God". I asked her then, "Who is God?" She told me, "God is the creator of the universe. He is powerful and will take care of you". My mom, didn't go to the temple. She told me, "God is omnipresent. He is everywhere not only in temples". So I asked her, "Who is God?. Why are there so many idols in our pooja room?" She told me, "God is formless and we can visualise him in any form we want". Since, I was a child, I immediately closed my eyes and tried to visualise God. The form I saw was Ganesh. From that day, I see God in that form. Ganesh was a good friend. Whenever I get upset on my parents, I used to cry to him. He'll come in my dream and console me. I never prayed to him because I had everything I needed. I had nothing to ask him. Everyday, I say a slogam to Ganesh which I thought was a "good morning". Everytime I'm happy, I'll tell him a thanks. The first step, beleiving in God and seeing him outside us. Fate had its blow and thus increased my faith in God. Sometimes I ask him "Where are you? Why do you make me cry? Why do you give me so many difficulties everyday?" But, when I sit back and think I hear him say, "I showed you the way but you refused to listen". So, Can I sit idle and relax? No, he has plans for me and I just need to follow it. May be he draws the outline but I need to give it shape And perhaps, give it colour too. How well I develop the outline is just in my hands. I stopped fighting against fate God had become an invisible power who is Always with me and takes decisions for me. After all, I don't know why I'm here But he knows the reason. I don't know the destination, but I've started to drive So, I'm leaving him to direct me Sometimes, the road is smooth sometimes its rough But, I beleive, HE knows what he is doing and where I need to go. Sometimes, I ask him "Why am I here?". Sometimes, I wonder how beautifully he has created this world How does he manage things? How does he make his decisions? He just tells me "You'll know by yourself when the time comes". I trusted God more than ever and beleived that I'm in safe hands. He is always with me and answers my doubts I'm always his pet. I did not beleive in asking him a favour HE knows what I deserve and would give it to me without asking. The next step, I realized God is with me. Now, I pray everyday and I wonder why? When I beleive HE is with me and takes care of me Why do I pray now? Few years ago, my mom was sick I said my first prayer. "Oh God !! Please take care of my mom". A year ago, before marriage, I said my next prayer, "Please give me a good family and help me adjust soon." These tell me I pray out of fear and lack of confidence. May be so far I've been independent and had no fears. May be fear is the only reason that all of us pray? Now, everyday I pray, "It seems to be a bad time for me due to Saturn's period, Let it not affect my family and let the suffering go with me. Give me the strength to face this". I have gone back to the first step where I separate myself from God !! I realized my mistake. This is the time when I should trust God more. I question him, sometimes, "Do I deserve this? Am I that bad?" But I realize now that I need to have patience and faith. When so far he has taken care of me well even now he'll do the same. I remember the story of Draupadi. When Draupadi asked Lord Krishna, why he didn't come to help her immediately It seems he told her "You didn't trust me completely, so I was waiting. The moment you trusted me completely, and surrendered to me I came to save you". Seems true. May be God has got upset on me. I've stopped trusting him and took things in my own hands. May be that's the reason for all my worries. He keeps telling me in some form to relax. But I've become too busy to listen to him, rather to myself. A good lesson for me to learn. Who is God? God is love and God is faith. I'm trying to climb back that step and one more To reach, the final step, God is within me.

Lord Rama - as a husband?

Ramayana was the first story that I read. Any woman would undertake vratha's to get a husband like Rama. Even, the common blessing from elders would be " Sri Ramarare unakku purushanaa varanum" (You should get Lord Rama itself as your husband). To me, Ramayana showed the story of Sita,Hanuman and Lakshman. Even Urmila (Lakshman's wife) stood high. A few days back, an old lady told me that I look like Sita (Not sure why. May be, the saree made me look good/calm ;-) or because I gave her 10 Rs) and blessed me "Ramanum Sitaiyumaa eppovum santhoshamaa irukanum".(Always be happy like Rama and Sita). It was my wedding day, and that blessing made me happy. Still, I was wondering, Were Rama and Sita ever happy? No offense meant. But I could not accept 2 acts of Rama. 1. An Indian woman is known for her chasity. When atleast 90% of women even in this "KaliYuga" are faithful to their husbands, how can Rama doubt Sita and ask her to undergo "Agni Pariksha"? An ordinary girl, even today, attempts suicide when she is raped/love failure. Wouldn't Sita have killed herself immediately if she wasn't pure? 2. How can he banish her just because some person spoke wrong about her? Didn't he break his oath that he'll take care of her lifelong? Sita said "Whereever you are that is Ayodhya for me?" If he had felt that people won't accept her as a queen, he should have stepped down the throne and accompanied her to the forest. When she can follow him, how can he desert her? Many people gave me a lot of explanations for these 2 questions. But I think these 2 acts are never justifiable. The justification was, he did it for others. Should we live for what others say? He spoiled his life as well as Sita's and their children's because of ignorant/foolish words of someone? He fought with Ravana to get Sita back. Any ordinary person does that for his wife. May be, even God makes mistakes. Rama, was an excellent son and kept his father's promise. He was a good ruler. But was he a good husband/father? As a husband, he fought to get back his wife only to lose her again !! Sita is always the best in my heart. So, it feels good when someone says "Have patience like Sita and be an understanding wife". This might sound silly but right from my childhood days, I never wanted my husband to be like "Rama", being a "eka-pathini-virathan" and deserting his wife. I should say, Rama is not my favourite. I think its not fair to bless saying "You should get a husband like Sri Rama". He is not a special/exemplar husband !! Disclaimer: It's just my personal opinion. Devotees please don't take it personally !!

Women - Then and now !!

I read an article about Should women be allowed to serve alcohol? With all these equal rights for women, where are we heading towards? I've been a town girl for 21 years. I had learnt to adopt the modernization but still clinged on to certain moral values. As soon as I completed my degree, I enrolled for an MS at MIT, Chennai. That was my experience in a city and life was so different. Girls smoking.. huh? Within a year, I got a job and was transferred to Pune. What a contrast it was to my small home town !! After my US experience, I'm thinking on a question..Do women degrade themselves in the name of modernization? How has the western world influenced us? The first time, I saw women drinking and dancing in a party in Pune, I was astonished/ashamed. So a few weeks back when the same happened in US, I took it so easily. One of my collegues(girl) said "Come on, Pavithra, its just beer...it doesn't have alcohol...try it". I politely said "No, thanks". She asked me a question, "When men drink why can't women? There is lot of discrimination in this society". Drinking itself is wrong and even men should not be doing it. I politely tried to explain to her that a woman's womb is considered equivalent to the "Garpa Graha" where God resides. She is considered sacred and should have some basic values. She'll get her due respect only when she lives upto the mark. I don't know if she really understood !! I need to definitely say about our men in US. The same guy, who used to stand 5 inches away from me when I was in Chennai has changed completely. But, an american guy here sees an Indian woman with more respect. I'm just afraid even their tendency might change in the coming years !! Personally, I feel equality should not be in Smoking, Drinking Alcohol or Flirting. Then, Women were made to beleive that their only purpose in life was to serve others. Now, women realize they have a life for themselves. Family was their first concern and they had no worldly knowledge and beleived exactly what their elders/husband told them. Now, they have their points of view. Then, they were spiritual and spent most of the time reading moral stories/epics. Now, they want to analyze the meaning of these stories and do something back instead of just telling those to their children. Then, a lot of customs were forced on them and they accepted it as their fate. Now, women, no longer, accept things which their mind refuses to accept. They protest. Then, women never wanted to have a girl child, may be they did not like the way thier life was. Now, things are changing. Then, they did not have a voice to choose their life. Now, they are mature enough to choose their way of life and handle the problems they face. Women, today, have more self-respect. But have considerably reduced tolerance levels !! Once my collegue told me "God has his value only as long as he is in the temple. Outside it's just stone". Though, that comparison sounds bad..Is it true that women would have been better cooking and caring for their family in their house than what they're doing today? With double income families, expenditures have tripled, divorces have quadrupled and happiness and peace have halved. Old age homes and child care centres have increased in number considerably. Who should be blamed? Updated : Since, I wanted to know all your points of view, I restrained from using my point of view and just gave incidents. "Change" is the only word that remains constant. Every change has both positive and negative effects. In today's world, a woman who says "house-wife" is considered as one who is not able to utilize her time effectively. Those days, cooking itself would keep women occupied. Now with the invention of electrical appliances a lot of time is saved. Mixer, Grinder, Dish washer, Vacuum cleaner, Washing machine have reduced the work of women. Husbands required their wive's attention and would literally do no work..now men have changed 100%. Cooking and managing the house alone are not a woman's job. Some women take up a profession be it a doctor, engineer, teacher, nurse, ...anything which is useful to the society. Others can also keep themselves occupied by helping lending help in some form than wasting time in watching TV serials or gossips !! This gives us a lot of self confidence and a sense of satisfaction. For some its money and necessity for others its just satisfaction. Divorces have quadrupled..I think, then men were intolerant now women are also moving towards it. This intolerance explains the reason for old age homes. And indirectly, due to the demise of the joint family system, the reason for child care centres.

Marriage - A circle of love !!

Today, I stand at my balcony Feeling the cool breeze enter me Pacifying all my senses and made me to Take some leisure time to think about Our voyage in marriage so far. Its a mixed feeling.. One side I feel time has fled too fast Its like we just met a few days back On the other side, we know each other better Probably, better than what our parents know about us. Two years ago, I hated marriage Beleived its just suffering and never wanted to marry One year ago, I sat at my window With a hundred questions in my mind I felt like a tree which has been uprooted And handed over to a gardener to be planted somewhere else If the gardener forgot to water the tree even one day The tree would fade and start dying If he forgot to fence it properly The tree might be damaged by others How can the gardener handle so many responsibilities? Who should be pitied, the tree or the gardener? I wondered what is the guarantee of the tree surviving Rather, me surviving. I had a question - Why should we marry? We both started our journey Both of us did not know to drive Just a blind faith and confidence on one another And of course, on God. As we started our journey, you were driving slow and rough I lost my patience and started blaming you Little did I realize that Even you are like me and I might drive worser than you and The slower we go steadier our relationship would be You had more responsibilities being the driver Still, I didn't understand and I got upset I wondered, Why did we marry? Marriage is said to be an instituition where there's no distinction between the student and teacher. You have been A father, taking care of my needs A mother, pacifying a crying child A teacher, enlightening me A friend, discussing things A critic, correcting me A well-wisher, allowing me to grow A lover, cuddling me I wonder what have I learnt in this instituition so far? Some subjects are easy and some are tough But nothing is impossible with you by my side !! Faults are thick, when love is thin You forgive my faults instantly and so I realize how much you love me. I thought I'm the best in everything You've made me feel so small before you Ours is again a parent-child relationship Sadly, I'm the child always. Will I ever grow? God only knows. I wonder, Is ours a God-devotee relationship? I blame God when things go wrong. To whom else can I show my frustation? But, I seldom thank him for whatever good he has done. May be, I do the same with you. Sometimes I feel, God made a mistake and I'm not worthy to be your wife What am I giving you in return for all this? May be love, but more problems to solve But you never complain and I know you'll love me always I learnt that Love is not in being perfect. It is cultivating acceptance,patience and understanding. A year has been more than enough I feel satisfied and no more desires left Today, after a year I recollect your marriage oath You've been true to it so far You've been with me in both joys and sorrows I thank God for giving me a wonderful friend Still I wonder, why do I complain? But then, I realized there is no fun without arguments. Has any argument continued overnight? Have we got pissed off and stopped talking atleast for a day? What more is required for a successful marriage? Misunderstandings have made our relationship stronger !! I wanted to take an oath today But, you accept me the way I'm. So, I just tell to myself not to repeat my mistakes, Trust you more and grow up soon. Our marriage is indeed, a circle of love Flawless, without a starting or ending point !!