Who is God ?

When I was a child, I asked my Grandma "Why do you go to temple?" She told me, "I go to temple to pray to God". I asked her then, "Who is God?" She told me, "God is the creator of the universe. He is powerful and will take care of you". My mom, didn't go to the temple. She told me, "God is omnipresent. He is everywhere not only in temples". So I asked her, "Who is God?. Why are there so many idols in our pooja room?" She told me, "God is formless and we can visualise him in any form we want". Since, I was a child, I immediately closed my eyes and tried to visualise God. The form I saw was Ganesh. From that day, I see God in that form. Ganesh was a good friend. Whenever I get upset on my parents, I used to cry to him. He'll come in my dream and console me. I never prayed to him because I had everything I needed. I had nothing to ask him. Everyday, I say a slogam to Ganesh which I thought was a "good morning". Everytime I'm happy, I'll tell him a thanks. The first step, beleiving in God and seeing him outside us. Fate had its blow and thus increased my faith in God. Sometimes I ask him "Where are you? Why do you make me cry? Why do you give me so many difficulties everyday?" But, when I sit back and think I hear him say, "I showed you the way but you refused to listen". So, Can I sit idle and relax? No, he has plans for me and I just need to follow it. May be he draws the outline but I need to give it shape And perhaps, give it colour too. How well I develop the outline is just in my hands. I stopped fighting against fate God had become an invisible power who is Always with me and takes decisions for me. After all, I don't know why I'm here But he knows the reason. I don't know the destination, but I've started to drive So, I'm leaving him to direct me Sometimes, the road is smooth sometimes its rough But, I beleive, HE knows what he is doing and where I need to go. Sometimes, I ask him "Why am I here?". Sometimes, I wonder how beautifully he has created this world How does he manage things? How does he make his decisions? He just tells me "You'll know by yourself when the time comes". I trusted God more than ever and beleived that I'm in safe hands. He is always with me and answers my doubts I'm always his pet. I did not beleive in asking him a favour HE knows what I deserve and would give it to me without asking. The next step, I realized God is with me. Now, I pray everyday and I wonder why? When I beleive HE is with me and takes care of me Why do I pray now? Few years ago, my mom was sick I said my first prayer. "Oh God !! Please take care of my mom". A year ago, before marriage, I said my next prayer, "Please give me a good family and help me adjust soon." These tell me I pray out of fear and lack of confidence. May be so far I've been independent and had no fears. May be fear is the only reason that all of us pray? Now, everyday I pray, "It seems to be a bad time for me due to Saturn's period, Let it not affect my family and let the suffering go with me. Give me the strength to face this". I have gone back to the first step where I separate myself from God !! I realized my mistake. This is the time when I should trust God more. I question him, sometimes, "Do I deserve this? Am I that bad?" But I realize now that I need to have patience and faith. When so far he has taken care of me well even now he'll do the same. I remember the story of Draupadi. When Draupadi asked Lord Krishna, why he didn't come to help her immediately It seems he told her "You didn't trust me completely, so I was waiting. The moment you trusted me completely, and surrendered to me I came to save you". Seems true. May be God has got upset on me. I've stopped trusting him and took things in my own hands. May be that's the reason for all my worries. He keeps telling me in some form to relax. But I've become too busy to listen to him, rather to myself. A good lesson for me to learn. Who is God? God is love and God is faith. I'm trying to climb back that step and one more To reach, the final step, God is within me.